Friday night funny: waterboarding, same-sex marriage and capitalism

Our first Friday night funny this Friday comes to us from Scrappleface, by Scott Ott. He reports on a story that you may not have heard about this week, the CIA’s offer to help Nancy Pelosi remember when she voted for the same interrogation techniques that she now opposes.

Excerpt:

In an effort to clarify exactly when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi knew that the U.S. employed enhanced interrogation techniques, like waterboarding, on terrorists, the CIA today offered to question the California Democrat.

“With the passage of time, memory gets clouded,” said a CIA source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “But we have learned how to clear away the clouds, and bring into sharp focus the relevant details.”

Rep. Pelosi initially said she had not been briefed on the harsh interrogation methods, then said she thought the briefings she did receive were theoretical in nature, and now her associates say the Speaker knew in early 2003, but didn’t protest out of respect for ‘appropriate’ legislative channels.

“A woman in Nancy Pelosi’s high-stress position, can get overwhelmed by the constant drip, drip, drip of information,” the CIA source said. “It’s easy to lose isolated details among the battery of facts that assault her daily. But a little time alone with one of our seasoned counselors should remedy that.”

Our next funny is also from Scott Ott. It turns out that proponents of same-sex marriage are not at all happy with the way that heterosexuals undermining the sanctity of same-sex marriage.

Excerpt:

The boom in childbirth by unwed mothers has some American homosexuals concerned about the sanctity of their newly-minted marriages, according to a spokesman for the Defense of Gay Marriage Association (DOGMA).

Some 40 percent of all children are now born to unwed mothers, according to National Center for Health Statistics. Among minority groups, the news is even more stunning. Black single Moms give birth at twice the White rate, and Hispanic solo mothers bear babies at triple the rate.

“All of this is bad news for the institution of traditional gay marriage,” said the unnamed source at DOGMA. “It’s hard not to see this as another example of homophobia. Gays finally start getting the right to marry, and what happens? We see straights abandoning the practice. Heterosexual bigots are looking at marriage and apparently saying, ‘That’s so gay!’”

The advocacy group claims that no society has survived the collapse of the institution of marriage, and it backs a Constitutional amendment forcing cohabiting couples to wed.

I would support a Constitutional amendment banning out-of-wedlock birth – as Captain Capitalism noted in an earlier post, unwed motherhood is nothing but child abuse. Co-habitation, no-fault divorce, government-run day care, and drugs for controlling children are anti-child policies. I am against pre-marital sex. I am for abstinence and chastity. I value the rights of children over the “happiness” of irresponsible adults.

And our final story this week is from IMAO.us. I used to spend hours reading over his old “In My World” posts. I just love things that are totally made-up in which very serious people do very silly things. Frank links to this video in which you can learn more about capitalism than you can while getting a Law degree from Harvard!

Happy Friday!

UPDATE: I cannot let this go unblogged: What happens with Jim Treacher joins Nancy Pelosi and Haiku?

You get Pelosiku!

From Hot Air and Michelle Malkin:

What’s this trigger do?
Ouch, my right foot really hurts
Let’s try the left one

***

As I tell my tales
Watch me blink out in Morse Code:
“I’m a lying [bleep]”

***

I am not lying
Except for what I just said
And what I’ll say next

***

I’ve been a liar
A lot longer than Barack
But without his gift

Leave yours in the comments!

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