A little while ago, I blogged about a 47-year-old mother of three who sued a dating agency for failing to find her a rich husband. That was pretty bad, but I found something even worse. A 54-year-old woman who spend all her savings on a dating agency. She expected them to find her loads of rich men who want to marry her – despite her never having invested anything in them.
The UK Telegraph reports:
Glass of wine in hand, the man sitting opposite me in the restaurant was in full flow. While he was droning on about his work commitments, I zoned in and out trying to work out how on earth I was going to get to through this first date. I had expected to meet an eligible bachelor, but he had turned out to be so boring that he made me want to stick asparagus up my nostrils.
This memory came flooding back when I read about, Tereza Burki, a City financier who, last week, successfully sued a Knightsbridge-based elite matchmaking service, for the return of her £12,600 annual fee after they failed to find her the man of her dreams.
A couple of years ago, I too joined an expensive matchmaking agency. I had just come out of a seven year relationship, and was on the wrong side of 50.
I soon tired of online dating and receiving messages from over weight baldies who peppered their emails with childish emojis. I hankered to find Mr Right-for-me, a man who was suitably educated and a successful professional.
And so this is how I found myself, throwing money (my entire savings to be precise) to an upmarket matchmaking agency in central London. The agency claimed to filter out the undesirables, the mediocre and give clients the personal touch, so I handed over the hefty sum of £6,000.
As I waited to be matched with someone from their ‘extensive database’, I idly imagined my handsome date, cashmere polo neck, a bit academic and kind. We’d eat steak tartare and swap notes on our latest clever box-set find and favourite novels.
The first indication that all was not as I had expected came when I met personal matchmaker at a Park Lane hotel for ‘tea and an interview’… told her how I loved folk music, my favourite film was The Deer Hunter, and enjoyed weekends in the countryside.
[…]A few days later she emailed me with the details of W, “a successful entrepreneur who had travelled extensively and also liked folk music”. When I met him at a pub in Richmond, I was shocked. I was expecting a cultured and dynamic man, instead I got a man in a pair of jeans, a moth eaten jumper and the table manners of a modern day Baldrick.
And therein lies the rub. These agencies trade on their exclusivity, yet the men I met were far from the international super elite they promised.
Isn’t this terrible? Clearly the dating agency is to blame. It should be easy for a penniless, feminist hedonist to find rich men who want to spend all their money taking care of a 54-year-old woman who had literally nothing to do with the process by which they earned all that money.
One thing we know about her for sure is that she is impractical. She is 54 years old and has just spent her last savings on a dating agency. From her other comments about the type of men she is looking for, we can infer that she wasted a lot of money on travel, fine dining, and other frivolous experiences designed to produce feelings of sophistication without any practical plan for preparing for the financial demands of old age. What’s the point of having fun “in the moment” if you don’t have any plan to allow sustainable recreation in the future, when you’re too old to work?
I spent some time reading articles by Kate Mulvey, and here is what I was able to determine:
- she has no useful degrees – she paid for useless degrees in Italian and French, instead of studying something useful, like computer science or nursing or petroleum engineering. Her “writing” is all about fashion, dating and “lifestyles”
- her opinion on children: “uppity children take your time, emotions and energy” – she sees children as a detriment to her highest priority (her career). She says “I, however, have lived a life of unfettered freedom to take on projects, write books and travel”
- she had loads of entertaining men “beating a path to [her] door” when she was younger
- she spend thousands of pounds on plastic surgery
- she blames her lack of marriage success on her being “brainier” than men
- she turned down men who wanted to marry her, as late as age 33
- her book is called “Accidental Singleton” because she thinks that her approach to life – anti-marriage hedonism – has “accidentally” left her single and penniless at age 54 (as if it wasn’t her fault!)
Although she talks a lot about being intelligent, it seems to me that an intelligent woman would have practical degrees, savings and an awareness of what men actually want from a woman – and WHEN they want it. Men want a woman to support them in their most difficult period, just after they graduate and hit the job market. Starting out in a career is hard because the man doesn’t have savings or a resume or references. The support of a young, attractive, virtuous woman means everything during those difficult years. This is when a wife has the most impact on her husband’s ability to earn and save, on his mental health, on his physical health, etc.
Somehow, this narcissist thinks that she can just show up in a man’s life, after he has done all his earning alone, and grab hold of the things that she never helped build. She wasted all her youth and beauty chasing experiences with attractive bad boys, but she thinks that it’s reasonable for a man to invest all his wealth in her. A woman has value to a man at the time when he is attempting to do difficult things, but lacks support.
What exactly is it that a woman like Kate has to offer a man, given her life choices? Does anyone think that this woman has marriage-character? Does anyone think that her life of selfishness and hedonism has prepared her to be a good wife? What kind of conversation about moral obligations could you have with someone who has only ever done what felt good to her in the moment? Has her string of failed relationships with hot bad boys prepared her to be trusting and unselfish? How about to be faithful? Or even to be content? What is it that she thinks that she is offering that would justify the heavy investment that she is asking for, especially in an age of no-fault-divorce and anti-male divorce courts?
I think people really underestimate how much goes into making a good wife. The character she has to develop. The skills that she has to develop. The way she treats her husband, which often comes from carefully cultivating virtues like chastity and sobriety. Her worldview, which affects whether she has practical abilities like love, forgiveness and self-control. Her ability to be good with money. Her ability to nurture others and make social connections consistent with marriage and homemaking. Her ability to bear children, and then nurture them during the critical first 5 years after – not to mention homeschooling, which is increasingly valuable in a time when underperforming government-run schools seek to indoctrinate, rather than educate, children.
Nothing about this woman makes me think that she has any marriage-related character traits or abilities. Any idiot can spend someone else’s money on their own feelings, fun and thrills. But it takes a carefully crafted woman to really do the work of a wife. Marriage isn’t there so that women can be happy. Marriage is an enterprise. Being selfish – doing what is easy, and what feels good moment by moment – doesn’t prepare a woman for the enterprise.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
What an awful, delusional woman! She would bring no value to a marriage, only risks and entitlement. Her only value appears to be as a cautionary tale to young women, who should be encouraged to do the opposite of everything this foolish woman has done. And while she flatters herself at how “successful” she is, she only had a few thousand in savings to waste on this dating agency?! She might know current events well, but she is completely lacking in wisdom.
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And who wouldn’t want to date a woman who is likely to trash you in print with no chance at a rebuttal?!
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She wants to jump into a man’s life at the end and enjoy the fruits of his labor, without having contributed anything along the way when it was hardest for him.
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I was surprised, after looking at that picture, that her plastic surgery was a “face lift”. I would have guessed “boob job”.
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She needs a worldview lift!
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She’s a prime example of why a lot of men, including this one, are no longer interested in relationships.
She thinks she’s such a prize and demands the world, and yet has nothing to offer a man.
Just like the boilerplate entitled females: tatted up, obese, indebted, broke 39 year old single mothers demanding a movie star.
No thanks!
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Does she like cats?
There is sale on box wine at the Sack N’ Save.
The froggy went a courting days are for when you are young but younger/older feminists think that reality bends to their will if they stomp the feet hard enough and prattle on about the patriarchy.
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Prattling on about the patriarchy only makes her less attractive to the kind of man who is interested in commitment.
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Seems like a really-self-entitled, narcissistic, delusional woman who wants her cake and eat it too. Maybe too much Disney “I’ll just follow my heart and my prince will come.”
I know plenty of “brainy” men and they wouldn’t want someone like Ms. Burki. Brainy like “MD-Ph.D. types,” “Graduated Top First, First Class Honours in Physics or Mathematics from Oxford,” Stanford grads, MIT grads, Harvard grads, etc.
Ms. Burki gets a big ol’ F in my books.
Coming at it from the modestly achievement oriented side,
I’m certainly NOT going to advertise my wealth (or however little I have). No, I’m no multimillionaire nor do I come from a rich family. However, I do know that using money as bait attracts the wrong type of woman, as does a woman using sex as bait to attract men. (I totally get why some men who are well-to-do dress and act like they don’t have a lot of wealth.)
I spent a lot of time working on my “radar” and “forcefield:”
Radar: discernment skills and figuring out if a woman had issues and figuring out what she was about. (Fortunately, my mom spent a lot of time from my middle school years onward helping me hone discernment and instilling wisdom.)
Forcefield: carefully being to keep my distance from women with issues and/or being able to repel certain women (e.g., “Class 4 Clingers”).
Life is too short to have emotional/financial vampires in your life.
Sure, I understand lots of people want a fat paycheck and to marry into a super-wealthy family. It reminds me — the late Haddon Robinson once was preaching how some Christians pray that God would supernaturally provide — and he mentioned that we should be no less surprised and no less impressed by God when God provides us with job opportunities, God gives us the strength and the determination to work, God gives us intelligence and talents and abilities for the betterment of society — and thus, God provides through “ordinary” means like a job and a paycheck.
When I was looking for a wife (I am married for over a decade), and in no particular order:
1/ She had to be Christian, meaning that Jesus was decidedly her Lord and Savior.
Whether she was born into a Christian family or whether she made a decision at a later point, her life had to point towards God and she made active steps in this regard. Moreover, she understand who was the Lord of her life (and that’s not me).
2/ We had to have similarities in values, morals, and goals.
3/ She had to understand the value of hard work.
God put the first couple in charge of all of His creation and expected both of them to be responsible.
4/ She demonstrates wisdom.
I had some other requirements but ….
And Ms. Burki is not a prize to be won. Keep those Myrtle Wilsons (yes, The Great Gatsby) away from you. Hint: you can see what Myrtle does with herself…
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It’s surprising how this idea that you know you will find The One underlies a lot of our relationship problems. The One is the fictitious person who will make you happy without you having to deny yourself, sacrifice yourself, or put any work into the relationship.
But this doesn’t produce stability. You have to choose wisely and invest in the other person to keep it going.
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1) I had a high school teacher in either sociology or psychology (who otherwise coached football and taught elementary school gym class) who spent quite a while belaboring the point that “there is not one special person out there for you to marry; you can marry basically anyone who has common life values and be happy – happiness isn’t dependent another person making you happy – you must choose to be happy in your circumstances”. [The only basis I have to judge this teacher’s faith is him saying in a eulogy for another teacher from high school that the sociology/psychology teacher hoped the other teacher would “put a good word in with God for him” – so… not exactly Biblical].
2) The dating agency found someone who was a “successful entrepreneur” (read had money) who wanted to meet her. Unless you are a complete completely self centered person, you have to have some notion of “both people getting something out of a relationship”. Historically, marrying for money has required “young and beautiful” or “willingness to constantly flatter the other person”.
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I agree with both points. I think for point one, happiness is less a choice than something you work to engineer. It starts with choosing someone who is content with little things, rather than big things that are hard to provide. Personally, I would marry someone who likes when I invest in her ministry. Because then I’m supporting her tn get her to do things for God, not just to make her happy.
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I’m late to her well-deserved pile on, but let’s talk about this Jezebel’s favorite movie: The Deer Hunter. It’s about Vietnam War POWs kept in bamboo cages in the jungle being forced to play Russian Roulette over and over with their captors or against their fellow prisoners, I forget which, until one of them “gets the wrong chamber.” My godless father took my brother and me to see it when I was still in high school, despite the R rating and extreme graphic violence, and it basically traumatized me for life.
That’s the movie that “Jezebel” watches over and over again – her favorite. Men being forced to play “suicide” with other men. I wouldn’t feel safe on the same bus with a sick witch like that!
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Christopher Walken dies
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Lolol! Christopher Walken ALWAYS dies! It’s a damn sick movie, and it’s this witch’s FAVORITE movie, the one she watches over and over again.
I wouldn’t turn my back on such a person.
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No, thanks! Just turned fifty, and I’d rather stay single than risk losing it all to someone who feels entitled to what little I’ve been able to accumulate.
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I know what you mean. There are wonderful older women out there, but the way things are going with feminists taking over schools, courts, workplaces, etc. it’s hard to see a way to split your savings two ways. I would not marry a career girl and now socialism has made marriage to a good girl much less affordable.
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Thanks for writing as usual WK. Now that Dalrock is on haitus, your site is one of the few Christian sites left.
Really don’t understand how a woman from a developed country like in that article manages to squander most of her life and wealth. She has basically a couple of grad left as her ‘life savings’ in her 50s. What a hedonistic life she seems to have led! I would be terrified about old age in her shoes. I have met many other people like her who basically do not save much for their retirement. I cannot really understand their thinking as I make plans to save a similar to her ‘life savings’ amount ~2 months on average (post-tax).
In reply to your comment, nobody is truly good when measured up to God standards. But I just wanted to say that there are still ‘good girls’ out there. In my early-30s, I managed to meet an early/mid-20s Christian girl. She was completing her part-time uni degree, while working full-time, and serving in her Church. When we got married in her mid-20s, she brought in US$1XX,XXX of savings. Our wedding was basically better than free, the gifts from our guests and families more than made up for the initial cost of the wedding.
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I agree with you completely about the importance of saving. I suffered through the recession of 2001 and then another one in 2007-2009. My philosophy has been to max out my Roth IRA and 401k every year, then put away a similar amount into an investment account. I’m up to 1 million in cash now and 330,000 in house, and still quite concerned about retiring at 50 according to plan. And remember I am coming though legal immigration and I have no family here. I’ve been on my own the whole time.
Her life decisions look really poor to me – education, career and finances. But she seems like the kind of person who would not listen to anyone.
I do know there are good girls out there.
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With rising inflation in the States, I don’t keep my assets in cash though. The majority of my assets are in stocks, then in my house and retirement accounts. US$1M in cash sounds like too much cash to keep. Unless you mean you have much more in your other accounts? US$1M might not be enough for retirement in 50s, if you keep it in cash.
I learnt over the years not to try and ‘advise’ anyone like that in real life. Most of them do not listen and many will get offended instead and try to get everyone to ostracize me in the workplace.
Can’t give you much advice since I think you are in your late-40s. But when I was in my 30s, I only dated girls in their 20s. The main factors I looked for were, Christian, didn’t squander youth, chaste, willing to follow Proverbs 31 role models etc. I would not date girls in their late-20s/30s.
I don’t mind being a financial ‘bailout plan’, if my wife is willing to build a family with me and can care for me during the last years of my life. Due to the decade wide age gap, I won’t be there in her old age. She’ll have to rely on our children for her old age, along with the assets I plan to leave for my family.
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I like your plan. The money is normally invested in stocks, just not right now.
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