I have an ongoing disagreement with a female friend about how to restore marriage and family. We both agree on the harm that is done to children by the redefining marriage to remove the traditional marriage norms of exclusivity, permanence, heterosexual romance, etc. But she thinks that it’s better to approach men and get them to change, whereas I think it’s better to approach women and get them to change.
So, in a previous post, I argued that we should focus on telling women to stop choosing hot bad boys, and trying to get them to commit. I said this because I don’t think you can change the hot bad boys and make them commit. They want s3x, and that’s what they are getting when the normal women throw s3x at them. They don’t have to commit if they get what they want before committing.
But is there anything constructive to say to the normal men, who are not getting s3x thrown at them from many different women? Well, yes. There is something to say to them. Although they are not smashing up families, they are doing something wrong. They are giving attention to the wrong sort of women, for the wrong reasons.
Consider this article about the web site Only Fans, from Business Insider:
OnlyFans, the subscription-based adult-entertainment site, boomed during the pandemic.
Revenue at the UK-based company grew by 553% in the year to November 2020, and users spent £1.7 billion ($2.36 billion) on the site, a seven-fold increase, the Financial Times reported.
The site allows creators to sell video clips, photos, and messages directly to subscribers on a pay-per-view basis, with OnlyFans taking a 20% cut. Customers pay between $5 and $50 per month.
User numbers grew from 20 million before the pandemic to more than 120 million over 12 months, as adult entertainers and their customers signed up during lockdowns to share X-rated content.
Only Fans is a web site where the most impulsive and reckless women make easy money by showing off their bodies and performing s3xual activities for subscribers. It’s voluntary, not coerced. They want to get rich quick without having to care about doing well in school or getting a job. They aren’t interested in marriage, because they know that good men don’t marry women who make themselves available to millions of other men. They are not conservative. They don’t want men to lead them. They don’t read anything that makes them wiser or more noble. Men shouldn’t be paying women like this any money, or even giving them attention.
I want normal guys to give better women their time and money – preferably in a relationship, but at least in a friendship. Even if the majority of women are using their young and pretty years to try to land hot bad boys, there are always a minority of women who are busy with better things, like doing computer science degrees. I think that the normal guys should be paying attention to them.
In fact, if I could just convince these normal guys to read more useful stuff, I’m sure they would realize that there is a lot more to a woman than youth and beauty. They would probably find the Only Fans girls pretty repulsive, once they realized how much different women can be if they are trained and prepared to commit to men and respect them. And by trained, I don’t mean “I’m a Christian, you can’t judge my past”. I mean bookshelves of good books, read and highlighted. I mean a public record of conservative Christian achievements.
If normal guys can’t find good young women to pay attention to, then they should try to make friends with older, wiser good women. That way, they won’t be lonely, they will learn something from the older more conservative women , and they will avoid making the wrong sort of women richer. I used to have a half-dozen older women advisors who would fill my head with wisdom chirped out in their cute girly voices whenever I wanted. Getting wisdom from conservative older Christian women is a lot better for me than throwing dollar bills at online strippers, who take your money, but have no interest in getting ready for marriage.
And if a younger woman came along who read good books, was conservative, and wanted marriage and children, you can start the marriage evaluation process. The important thing is to have the money to close the deal on a marriage if you find a real marriage candidate, which is why you don’t waste money on Only Fans women. Good women are the ones who trust you, respect your leadership, and achieve things when you lead and support them.
I don’t really care much about the Only Fans women, but I don’t think that getting attention and money for how you look is good for them in the long run. Women who get attention for stripping and doing s3x acts don’t learn anything that’s useful for them to be content in a stable marriage. They get used to seeing men at their worst, and they lose their ability to trust and bond with one guy. Giving them money to do something temporary that cannot be sustained as their looks fade isn’t good for them either. I don’t think it’s good for society long-term to have a bunch of shallow, immature women voting for bigger government and less liberty when they reach age 32 and can’t find good men to marry them.
Basically, what I would like is for men and women to get better at understanding moral character, religion and relationships, so they can choose quality relationship partners. And the best way to do that is what the Bible recommends – by renewing your mind. And how do you renew your mind? Well, you have to convince yourself that the world works a certain way. And how do you do that? By reading difficult challenging books that show you how to achieve the goals that are best for you, even if you have to sacrifice happiness in the short term. Men and women need to read better books.
I’m going to keep recommending to young people that they try to get out of the chaos of this generation by reading better books. Start with Philippians and John in the Bible. Then, I like “Is God Just a Human Invention?” by Sean McDowell and Jonathan Morrow. Read some Thomas Sowell economics, and some military history. There is no shortcut to valuing good things, and making good decisions. You have to change your mind by keep out the culture’s junk, and putting in the good stuff.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
Guys who support OF and such are pathetic. Cut off the demand for that nonsense and the supply will diminish. Both genders are at fault here. I read an awful story about a boy getting teased mercilessly at school because his mom was on OF and refused to stop. She made money and it made her feel good. Sick. That kid will probably harm himself.
Dating apps have rapidly and dramatically altered the landscape for the worse. 80-90% of women chase 10-20% of guys. The top guys know this and are unlikely to ever commit, especially when “sleeping down” with the lower-value women. Yet those women are “alpha widows,” thinking that they should be able to get a top guy (by the world’s definition) to commit. It won’t happen. These women have convinced themselves that guys won’t (and shouldn’t) care about their notch counts, but that is a fantasy. No self-respecting guy wants a woman who has had s3x with dozens or hundreds of guys and now wants to settle with him — probably temporarily — for some beta bucks.
And the women generally have rigid standards (e.g., 6′ tall, 6 figure income, etc.), some of which a guy can’t control. Yet the women freak out when men have simple standards (tat-free, debt-free virgins).
The women will cry and ask “where have all the good men gone?” The answer, as always, is that they are where the women left them: In the Friend Zone.
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In the friend zone, back in their 20s.
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The internet has done tons of damage in the relationship dynamic between men and women. Women have always been able to make money off of their bodies, but most would never go through with it. You’d either have to be a streetwalker or find some way to break into the sex industry or be pretty enough to get into the girly magazines. Now days you can be of literally any body type and for less than a hundred bucks be streaming or posting pictures to men who are thirsty like they just crossed the Sahara. Because of this fact women don’t need men directly for support, they can get cash enough to support themselves from being cam whores. In the meantime the ones that look good can get high tier men to take them on physical dates or trips, while the not-so-cute ones can still feed from the wallets of men who are on the same level as them and will never even try to interact with a real female.
I’m starting to get the feeling that traditional marriage is dead until the next cataclysm and the internet is destroyed or severely hindered. Until then the bridge of reliance between the two sexes is destroyed. Men can get sex dolls and toys, women can get cash from thirsty men. Nobody has anything the other wants that they can’t get without interaction.
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Do you think it’s appropriate to ask men not to spend money on this? I’m not a man blamer I think it’s a very appropriate thing to ask.
See I tell women not to pay attention to the hot bad boys, then I turn around and and tell men not to pay attention to the hot had girls. This seems fair and consistent to me.
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It’s porn, WK. Women need to stop dressing like prostitutes, and men need to do a better job of shielding our eyes and controlling our thoughts.
I’m old enough to
remember how decent women used to dress, and what passes in the churches for female dress would have made a prostitute blush half a century ago.
Of course women shouldn’t dress like whores, and of course men shouldn’t pay to see women dressed like whores. And that includes a lot of “Christian” girls on Facebook.
This is a huge deal.
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Its appropriate, but futile. Men are wired to want sex and to enjoy beautiful women. Women are wired to desire attention. Its not really men or women that are broken, its the system. In the past women didn’t have access to millions of men from the comfort of their bedrooms, or their pocketbooks. Men didn’t have access to millions of women from the comfort of their offices, or their nakedness. Both would have to find someone within their local sphere in order to have their needs met, and once the commitment of marriage was made that same sphere held them to account for it. To break that commitment was to bring shame on themselves. All that is out the window now, and the genie can’t be put back into the bottle willingly. Either the system breaks and returns to its roots or we keep on the same overall road, with obvious outliers here and there that still support marriage, but even then they will support the “new marriage” model of serial monogamy, only staying married until their spouse gets on their nerves and then divorcing, only to feel justified in finding a new spouse, so long as they are monogamous while the relationship is active. There is very little we can do beyond help those who ask for it. Those who don’t wont listen.
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“See I tell women not to pay attention to the hot bad boys, then I turn around and and tell men not to pay attention to the hot had girls. This seems fair and consistent to me.”
See the issue you run into though is that the vast majority of men, ie the other 70-80% currently have no chance or at least a low level of change getting even a normal average girl. Right now if you were raised to want marriage with an average woman under 28, you can’t get it. You don’t exist unless you are one of the top 10-20% of men. Literally you do not exist in the eyes of the average woman. So you can preach to men not to pay attention to the bad girls all you want. However when the bad girls are the only ones willing to give you the time of day, even if you are paying them. Your argument will fall on deaf ears.
On the other hand the woman with a very remote exception are going after the top 10-20% of men and don’t give a damn about the rest. If they did they would be married quite quickly. There is no lack of willing men to marry them. This only dries up when they break out of the pattern in their mid-30s forward after spending all their youth and beauty and only then wanting marriage. The contract has always been her youth and beauty for his attention and resources. If he has no resources or gives no attention I can’t blame a woman for not wanting to be with him. However this goes the same way on the other side. If she can’t provide her youth and beauty to him then he won’t want her.
What this boils down to is this as long as women are acting like this. 70-80% of men will live lonely lives and will probably continuing going to places like only-fans and prostitutes if available. And when women finish burning through their youth and beauty they will find themselves lonely and miserable. This will only be fixed when the young women are taught to cherish and focus on marriage again, and right now that ain’t gonna happen. So buckle up, this ride is going to get a lot worse.
To answer your first question, I can’t blame men for spending money on this. We need companionship, as in its an actual need. There is even a term for it nowadays and isn’t that sad in and of itself. (Starved for touch.) I don’t like only-fans and groups like it, but I can understand why it exists and sympathize with the men who are using it. As a Christian of course I would love to see it and it is prostitution if by another name ended, but as long as this are going the way they currently are it not only won’t end, but it will get much, much worse.
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OnlyFans is just another porn site, and all pornography and porn fans will end up in the Lake of Fire.
I had the “pleasure” of preaching outside of a strip club last year. It was very interesting. The strippers were wearing their crosses as they were going in, insisting that they were true born again followers of Jesus Christ (thanks a lot, American churchianity), but the customers knew better. They knew that those girls were not Christians. And they knew that going in there was wrong too. But, oh, how the strippers were triggered by somebody calling out their sins! We had no luck with the seared consciences of the strippers, but we did have luck with customers.
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I would be interested to know what the particulars of your friends position is (as alluded to above). Obviously, men need to stop subsidizing bad behaviors. However, any form of “man up and lead” is a laughable solution at this point. I have also observed that women begin advocating for men to take responsibility as soon as they hit the epiphany stage or they see their daughters age out of the prime dating market.
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The males who are only fan followers are “simps”. Probably raised by single moms!!
Plenty of them are church reared as well!! Simps, not men!!!!
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