I was watching the latest episode of Better Bachelor and saw that this 38-year-old athlete named Lolo Jones was complaining about how hard it was for her to find a husband. Apparently, she’s been trying very hard to get married all along, and has not had any success. Let’s take a look at her Instagram page and Twitter page, then her previous boyfriend, and see what she’s doing wrong.
So, here’s her Instagram. She claims to be a Christian, but it’s a constant stream of glamorous pictures of herself, many featuring swimwear or workout apparel. Her Twitter feed is more of the same. Lots of inconsequential things about herself. What she had for breakfast. When she got up from sleeping. That she prefers voice notes to texts. What video games she likes. Etc. The only mention of God I saw is when God helped her win a gold medal. Because that’s what God’s priority was in the world that day – her happiness. Is that what the Bible teaches – that it’s God job is to make his human pets happy? That seems to be a popular view among the books that Christian women are reading today. But is that what Jesus was telling us about God with his life?
Anyway, why aren’t marriage-minded men interested in her?
What marriage-minded men are looking for
So, I have a list of questions that I use when evaluating women for wife and mother roles. I’m trying to see whether the woman is capable of making a marriage to me achieve the goals that God has for his world and his creatures. Right now, the primary threats to God’s view of the world and us that I see are atheism, feminism and socialism. (I’m open to adding or subtracting from this list)
I’m looking for capabilities like these in a wife:
- demonstrate the existence of God objectively using philosophical arguments and scientific evidence
- demonstrate the truth about who Jesus was and his resurrection using historical evidence
- answer philosophical, scientific and historical objections to the Christian worldview
- explain why other major religions and ideologies are false
- understand and defend the Bible’s teachings about moral issues (chastity, abortion, divorce, etc.) using philosophical arguments and/or scientific evidence
- explain her Christian role models and what they have done for Christ and his Kingdom that makes you admire them
- explain what your goal is for your children, and what you intend to do to achieve those goals
- explain male and female roles in marriage, what you have done to prepare to perform your roles, and how you evaluate marriage candidates for performance of their roles
So, looking at her Instagram and Twitter, I don’t see anything relevant to a Christian marriage enterprise there. Bikini photos and tweets about silly personal details are unrelated to the Christian marriage enterprise. Even when she promotes virginity, she talks about herself, which is not rationally persuasive to anyone else, since it’s just her subjective opinion. The right way to persuade people that the Bible is correct about sex and sexuality, (and I’ve been doing that for 12 years on this blog), is by appealing to evidence, such as the evidence from research papers.
What is she looking for in a man?
Lots of Christian women like to talk about their desire for marriage, but their actions are not focused on choosing men who demonstrate ability to perform husband and father roles, e.g. – defending truth, providing, charitable giving, chastity, sobriety, romantic love, selflessness, mentoring, etc. What about Lolo?
Double Agents rookie Nam has been described as “hot” (by Wes), “a physical specimen” (Jay) and “built like a statue” (Kam). But what does his partner, fellow newbie Lolo Jones, think of the Ultimate Beastmaster competitor?
“My teammate’s kind of growing on me. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve seen him come out of the shower a few times, but I’m really liking this chemistry we have,” the Olympian stated during this week’s Challenge episode. “He’s so good-looking.”
[…]Lolo (wants) him to pursue her (since she’s the lady), but he hasn’t.
“I’m throwing everything out his way, but he’s just stoic,” she admitted in a confessional.
If you click through to that article, you’ll see her postive reaction to how “good-looking” this man is. She bends her head forward, and lifts up both arms in excitement. She’s not excited by (or respectful of) marriage-related capabilities or willingness to commit. She’s not raving about a man’s chastity or his sobriety or his theology or his apologetics ability or his mentoring of other Christians or his charitable giving. She’s excited by his height and his appearance.
Her last boyfriend was apparently a basketball player. He’s 7 years younger than she is, 6’7″ tall, and he can really put a basketball into the basketball hoop. But is that relevant for making a marriage that impacts the world for Christ and His Kingdom? Not at all. What a man does in marriage is teach people (church, university, workplace, etc.) about the truth of God’s existence, his character and his interaction with his creatures in history. Men are equipped to be persuasive with reason and evidence when discussing behaviors that cause harm to children, like abortion, divorce, promiscuity, same-sex parenting, etc. Men are equipped to defend the policies that promote marriage and family, like low tax rates, limited government, the rule of law, etc. Men invest in other Christians, partnering with them to promote Christian truths and Christian convictions to those who don’t accept them. And men know how to help and support their wives as they do their mothering and ministry.
Serious Christian men do not marry women who don’t understand the importance and value of marriage-related capabilities and achievements.
It’s very important for conservative marriage activists like Mark Regnerus, Brad Wilcox, Greg Stanton, pious pastors, etc. to understand that for Christian men there is more to being a wife and mother than holding a Bible, attending church and singing in the choir. I am a man who has the marriage character and the marriage ability. I can pull the trigger on a commitment – I’m equipped to do that, and do it well. But I want my marriage to fight against atheism, feminism and socialism. Lolo Jones is fit and attractive. She is not equipped for a Christian marriage.