Is it meaningful and rewarding for men to spend their time and money pursuing casual sex? I would expect that men who tried and failed to obtain casual sex to say that it’s a waste of time and money. But what about a man who was so successful at obtaining casual sex that he wrote bestselling books about it? Did he find his achievements meaningful in the end?
Roosh V is a well-known pick-up artist who is a master at seducing women. He’s traveled all over the world and seduced many women from many countries.
In a post from April 2019, he reaches a startling conclusion about his success:
I began pursuing women for mostly sexual reasons in 2001. I must’ve logged tens of thousands of hours into the task. I’ve been also traveling or living abroad near continuously since 2007. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to fornicate, fornicating, traveling to more effectively fornicate, and writing over a million words about fornication. What did I learn from all that? It’s an experience that gets more dull with repetition, like any other experience. However, it also leaves you with a massive hangover where you find yourself at a loss. What was the point of all that? Is there anything I’ve truly gained? What lasting glory have I achieved? If I wasn’t a writer, I would have nothing to “show” for my efforts besides memories that are as likely to make me cringe as give me happiness.
If society were healthy, and if women were more traditional, most of my time would have been spent writing different kinds of books, maybe concerning religion or history. I would have a family, and spend much of my time nurturing the love between them without degenerate interference from the government or cultural elites. […]While there is nothing in life that is solid, my family and community would give me a stronger feeling of continuity. Tomorrow, things that are likely to be here would still be there, compared to the easy-come-easy-go modern lifestyle where putting your penis inside a girl is not even close to a guarantee you’ll see her again, and where any job you have, or apartment you live in, is as transitory as the next bus that rolls down the street.
[…]As I approach 40 years of age, I see most of my hedonistic and travel pursuits as expensive life lessons than a source of meaning. My nature, and I believe the nature of most masculine men I meet, is one of creation, strength, and provision for family, things we’re increasingly not allowed to do, or allowed to do only at impossible cost.
Indeed. Speaking for myself, one of the main reasons that I’ve avoided casual sex (or premarital sex of any kind) is because from earliest days, I could not stomach the idea of a woman that I had sex with walking away. So, my education, career and finance decisions were oriented to winning the heart of one woman who would commit to me for life, so that we could built something nice for the Lord together.
In another post, from March 2014, Roosh explains why casual sex didn’t provide him with validation:
There is definitely not a single woman alive in the Western world who needs a man. While in the past a woman had to put forth effort to obtain a husband who would help her survive, today she is protected by a welfare state that ensures she will never go hungry or spend one night on the street.
[…]From a young age, girls are brainwashed to believe that they don’t need men and that the key to their happiness is self-empowerment by sleeping around and becoming a corporate wage slave. It’s hard to dispute the notion that a woman who believes she doesn’t need a man won’t make as good of a relationship partner as one who does. She will treat you as a distraction to her more important job, girls’ nights out, and social networking validation happy time. Men have become an utterly replaceable and expendable commodity in a girl’s life. Her interest in a man is not unlike her interest in a new television show or Apple product, and your only hope is to have sex with her as many times as possible until her attraction diminishes and she moves on to the next guy in line.
Women don’t seek out comfort or stability in men anymore—they seek entertainment. They seek distraction. They seek hedonistic pleasure. […]Once the entertainment or novelty you provide her declines—and it inevitably will—she moves on to something or someone else. In essence, the only way you can keep a girl is if you adopt the mentality of a soap opera writer, adding a cliffhanger to the end of each episode that keeps a woman interested when being a good man no longer does.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see a man who has improved himself over the years to be the best that his genes allow—I see a glittery skirt that a girl encounters in the mall. Is the skirt too expensive or is it on sale? Is there only one left of her size or is the rack full of them? Does she already have something similar or is it totally novel? Does her friends think it’s cute or just alright? After trying it on, does it flatter her body or make her look fat? Either she makes the impulsive decision to buy the skirt or not, because odds are she won’t come back for it. There are so many stores with so many skirts that she will soon forget it, forever. We are like glittery pieces of fashion to women—items that she truly doesn’t need. Not only has she already collected so many of them, but she can easily obtain more within walking distance from where she lives. She can even browse online from home while in her pajamas through a nearly unlimited selection.
We are not men in the traditional sense—we are clowns.
Well, I’m a virgin who never spent money or time pursuing casual sex, and precisely because I refuse to be any woman’s clown. It’s very easy for a man to not be a woman’s clown. All he has to do is choose a woman who will let him lead her, instead of a woman who wants him to entertain her. Women use the offer of premarital sex in order to get men to stop trying to lead them. Men who don’t mind acting like clowns in order to get sex will take this bargain. Men who expect women to rise up to the roles of wife and mother will reject the bargain. A Christian man’s goal is to lead a woman away from her self-centeredness, feelings, desires and need for peer-approval, so that she can perform the roles of wife and mother.
How to avoid becoming a clown for casual sex
So, let me give some advice for men about how to get into relationships where they can lead a woman upward, and avoid becoming her clown. It begins and ends with the woman you choose, because some women will let you lead, while others will not.
Research (here, here) shows that women who are virgins are more likely to be content in their marriages, and therefore less likely to financially ruin you with a frivolous divorce. Therefore, women who are virgins are to be preferred. Women who abstain from alcohol, drugs and tattoos should be preferred. Women who have a conservative father who they have respected should be preferred. Women who have STEM degrees should be preferred. Women who are debt-free should be preferred. Women who have challenging STEM careers in the private sector should be preferred. Women who don’t want to outsource the education of their children to daycare, public schools, etc. should be preferred. Women who want three or more children should be preferred. Women who think that a man’s earnings should not be taxed to pay for husband-substitute social programs should be preferred. Women who have demonstrated public opposition to no-fault divorce, premarital sex, abortion and same-sex marriage should be preferred. Women who blame and shame other women for choosing hot bad boys should be preferred. Women who can demonstrate knowledge of intermediate-level science apologetics (e.g. Stephen C. Meyer, Michael Behe, Hugh Ross, etc.) should be preferred. (Philosophical and historical apologetics are useful, but are not forceful enough in a debate). Women who avoid fun and thrills (beaches, FOMO travel, reading fiction, thrill-seeking, etc.) should be preferred. Women who serve others (elderly, disabled, etc.) should be preferred.
Basically, you’re looking for someone who is comfortable with responsibilities, expectations and obligations. You’re looking for someone who respects your demonstrated ability in areas like education, career and finance. (You have led other people to do well in education, career, finances, ministry, etc. right?) You’re looking for someone who lets her logical reasoning override her feelings and intuitions when she makes decisions.
The retreat from male leadership
It used to be the case that you could count on pastors to warn Christian men about wasting their time and money on women who wanted them to be clowns instead of leaders. Even the progressive fideist John Piper wrote against women rebelling against male leadership way back in 1983. Men used to be wary of this desire of women to usurp the leadership role from men. But today, it seems like men are anxious to dance to a woman’s tune – reducing themselves to spineless commodities, like a pair of shoes or a handbag. But men were not designed to be women’s accessories, men were designed to lead. When you tell a woman no to premarital sex, there is the possibility of leading her out of the pig sty of feminism and socialism. But if you say yes to her, you become her clown. If you waste all your 20s and 30s clowning for casual sex, you will have no meaningful legacy. To any man who works for the Lord, this is unacceptable. Christian men, you were bought at a price, and you are expected to produce a return.
Therefore, focus your attention on an early marriage to a good woman, and avoid the hot bad girls who just want to pump and dump you for their own pointless entertainment. If you can’t find a decent wife, then it’s better to remain a virgin and put points on the board some other way.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
Women who avoid fun and thrills (beaches, FOMO travel, reading fiction, thrill-seeking, etc.) should be preferred.
Reading fiction and going to the beach are deal breakers? No sunrises on the beach (for those of us who live near beaches)? God created that beauty for us to witness His creative majesty. The heavens declare the glory of God. No Mark Twain, Jane Austen, or Emily Bronte? No poetry?
My husband recently took me (and our kids) to a ziplining park. If I was anti-thrill seeking, it would have been like throwing a wet blanket on his idea of a fun time. He also likes roller coasters and although I’m not a huge fan, I ride them anyway. For him.
Maybe I am misreading you, but as a 25-year veteran in a very happy, productive, faith-filled Christian marriage, I’ll offer a piece of unsolicited advice: Don’t insist on a personality clone of yourself in female form. Yes, you’re the leader, and yes, it’s her job to help you achieve your mission and goals for the family.
But ultimately, the two of you are to enjoy one another, glorify God, and model for your children and the world what a joy-filled, Christ-honoring marriage looks like. Laughter and fun should not be our reason for living, but they do have a place in our lives. See Proverbs’ admonitions about laughter and a merry heart.
There is no commandment which reads, “Thou shalt not ever have fun.”
LikeLiked by 3 people
My post wasn’t about you personally since I don’t know you. I think what I’m aiming for is to help men have guidelines. If a woman does everything else on the list right, then she would be in the top 1% and a great candidate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think I ever met a woman who read, or enjoyed reading Mark Twain. Most women I have met who happen to read fiction read crappy romance novels.
As to Wintery Knight, keep fighting the good fight. For the young men out there, after about the age of 26 you start to realize how much energy you wasted in pursuing women
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have never yet found any female coworker reading non-fiction in the break room in my 20 years of full time work. When I think of all the apologetics, economics, military history, studies on marriage, etc. that I’ve read to understand the world, it really scares me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never reading non-fiction? Well, yes. That’s problematic. even my 12-year-old reads nonfiction books.
Although I’m not surprised to hear that women read more fiction, I would think that STEM women would be more balanced.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, yes. My editors are all women with STEM degrees who work or worked in STEM fields and they all read non-fiction, and some read more and better than me! That’s why they’re my friends!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s nearly always commentary about reality tv drama or kids. The women I do know who read “theology” read shallow feel-good garbage.
Work related areas of discussion typically involve emotion based arguments.
I don’t give out too many of my true beliefs at work. I’d be fired for starters, but there aren’t many in my field that come close to be likeminded, especially in person.
LikeLike
“I have never yet found any female coworker reading non-fiction…When I think of all the apologetics, economics, military history, studies on marriage, etc. that I’ve read to understand the world, it really scares me.”
I and my kids (girls and boys) read books. My wife does not. It doesn’t bother me or cause marital problems. There are other ways to learn besides reading books. Reading the wrong books is far worse than reading no books.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I realize that it isn’t about me. My point is that in life, there are people (good, godly, faith-filled people) with different personalities. I am reminded of Paul’s rather brilliant exposition o the body of Christ:
We are all born with different personalities and gifts,for different purposes, but unquestionably one of those purposes is to support our brothers and sisters in areas where they are not equipped.
You strike me as a very earnest, hardworking, focused man. That is admirable. Could it possibly be that God has a woman for you who is competent to help you achieve your goals, chaste, hardworking and intelligent, but has just enough of a fun personality to help you relax and have some fun (just a little!) and take the edge off so that you can enjoy less intense aspects of life?
That was actually my point in the personal example. I’m not a very fun personality naturally. My husband, despite being hardworking and successful, has done wonders to help me be more balanced.
I am sympathetic to much of what you write, which is why I commented, in the hopes that perhaps when the right woman crosses your path you don’t dismiss her because she is a little more fun loving than you think is acceptable.
Thanks for allowing me to comment.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Well, I think you’re right but when I’m laying out boundaries, I try not to be flexible, and then in person, I am flexible. I’ve mentored women who had abortions and who had cohabitated and invested a lot into helping them finish their degrees, read better, and even get married. The one who had the abortion married and had a baby. The one who cohabitated also married and had a baby. So I’m not mean in person,but I just try to get men to avoid getting into a situation where their whole life becomes about keeping their wife happy instead of letting her help him to have an influence for Christ.
LikeLiked by 4 people
One of the things I found very disconcerting about ROK’s and Roosh V’s worldview (I guess now former world view) was this. Endless articles from one young male writer after another “insist on marrying a virgin when she’s young, then procreating, no tats, clown hair, piercings, aberrant behavior..yada…yada. But in the next paragraph it was “bed as many club sluts (pardon my French) as you can get your hands on”. I agree with your solid criteria on mate selection, and not compromising on the majors, but as a never married man of 61, I can say that the long married lady poster has a valid point on possibly focusing too much on finding a mate identical to oneself. In retrospect, been there, done that, and it got me nowhere.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah that makes no sense to me. I’m a virgin because I don’t want to be the weak link in marriage stability.
LikeLike
See, when I was thinking about avoiding women who want fun, I was thinking about this girl I knew who went into debt for a business degree that she never used, because eshe graduated and just worked as a waitress, because that was easier. So her debts were not paid off and she would spend the money on surfing trips, skydiving and zip-lining. Eventually, she went off to be a missionary in Hungary, and did two more degrees. She ended up never using the degrees in a paid job. I stead, her poor husband got stuck with the tens of thousands of dollars of student loans.
So that’s why I’m telling men to be careful about too much fun-seeking. It’s about the money and the debt. Having fun is fine, but not if the person doesn’t have their debt under control.
And she would take listen to me. I found her a job as an it project manager paying 65,000 and she wouldn’t take it because it would be too hard and boring.
LikeLike
Hook up culture has destroyed the traditional family….
https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes! Without any doubt. The more I see the world, the more it makes more sense to believe in God!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think that’s right. Hookup culture is a response to the destruction of the traditional family. The list of things that contributed to the traditional family going extinct is very long. But, fundamentally, for whatever reasons, the post-war baby boomer generation just couldn’t hold their nations and cultures together. Now we’ve got this…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Post war baby boomers were the first generation of contraception and legal abortion along with no-fault getting in. Combine that with the fleeing responsibility hippies, revolutionaries, and drugs in those days…they were the first generation of ‘hookup culture’ that destroyed the family.
LikeLike
I consider many sins besides things that lead you to dark places are often to waste your time
If Satan can’t drag you to hell with him. He can try and make you ineffective for most of your life doing useless things that don’t matter.
A carnal mentioned here falls in that plan of having someone waste away much of their life
LikeLiked by 1 person
Roosh is indeed a very insightful critic of these times. You don’t mention it here, but did you know he has recently converted to Christianity and even removed all his pro-promiscuity books from his online store?
His forum is now going to be revamped and prohibit all discussion of immoral sexual activity: https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-73256.html
I’m really excited to see what Roosh does next or rather what God does with him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think if he takes advantage of Christ’s offer of free grace, then he will find that every single thing he did wrong in the past will be redeemed and used by God for God’s glory. Remember Paul was on the complete wrong side of the ledger, and now he’s a hero of the faith. I could see that happening with Roosh, although I hope his anti-semitism passes.
By the way, this news is absolutely ASTONISHING. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I really wish him the best.
LikeLiked by 2 people
He had a good video interview with E Michael Jones as well. That guy really boiled down just what the sexual revolution was/is about.
LikeLike
I hope that Wintery Knight is not endorsing Roosh V (and I have no reason to believe he is). I don’t know about Roosh V’s conversion on the “Road to Damascus”, and it’s a sin to judge your brother, but if its sincere, then glory to God. And if he’s moved beyond the sophomoric locker room T&A banter ROK was so famous for, that’s also better. I wrote a couple articles for Roosh V’s ROK site in the past, and based on the triggered atheistic/nihilistic/Nietzschian young mens’ seething animus, ageism, and victim complex vitriol, I have developed a rather dim view of the philosophy of the PUA gurus, MGTOW, and the Manosphere/Red Pill poison that’s ruined a generation of young men.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m a Christian mgtow, which means chastity and focus on ministry. But if a girl came along who had a record of fighting against the devaluation of marriage (e.g. no-fault divorce, daycare, same-sex marriage, public schools, etc.) Then I could change my mind for her. I’m not looking for it, though.
LikeLike
I would never think of endorsing everything that Roosh or the red pill “movement” has put out, but I still think he (and it) have done more good than harm. There are definitely toxic elements, but I don’t think its a coincidence that many associated the manosphere have slowly embraced traditionalism and religion.
It’s impossible to know a stranger’s heart, but I do think Roosh is sincere. If nothing else he’s prioritizing his faith over the brand he built by depublishing his best selling books and alienating many former fans
https://www.rooshv.com/i-have-unpublished-11-of-my-books
LikeLike
Jack, you are clearly monitoring this closely, and I really appreciate you leaving these comments! I don’t follow Roosh at all, but this news is fascinating.
LikeLike