Older career woman calls Dennis Prager show to warn young women about marriage

I used to listen to the Dennis Prager show all the time, and my favorite hour was the male-female hour, which is the second hour every Wednesday. In that hour, you will hear some of the most frank discussion of male and female issues. In a recent male-female hour, a 50-year old woman called in to give advice to younger women.

Prager explains in National Review:

Every Wednesday, the second hour of my national radio show is the “Male/Female Hour.” A few weeks ago, a woman named Jennifer called in. For reasons of space, I have somewhat shortened her comments. Every young woman should read them. This is precisely what she said:

Dennis, I want to get right to it. I’m 50 years old with four college degrees. I was raised by a feminist mother with no father in the home. My mother told me get an education to the maximum level so that you can get out in the world, make a lot of money. And that’s the path I followed. I make adequate money. I don’t make a ton of money. But I do make enough to support my own household.

I want to tell women in their 20s: Do not follow the path that I followed. You are leading yourself to a life of loneliness. All of your friends will be getting married and having children, and you’re working to compete in the world, and what you’re doing is competing with men. Men don’t like competitors. Men want a partner. It took me until my late 40s to realize this.

And by the time you have your own household with all your own bills, you can’t get off that track, because now you’ve got to make the money to pay your bills. It’s hard to find a partner in your late 40s to date because you also start losing self-confidence about your looks, your body. It’s not the same as it was in your 20s. You try to do what you can to make your life fulfilling. I have cats and dogs. But it’s lonely when you see your friends having children, going on vacations, planning the lives of their children, and you don’t do anything at night but come home to your cats and dogs. I don’t want other women to do what I have done.

How did this happen to her?

Somebody asked me the other day, “Why did you stay single and never have kids?” There’s answers: Because I was brainwashed by my mother into this. But it’s hard and it’s shameful to tell people, “I don’t know. I ran out of time.”

There’s not a good answer for it except “I was programmed to get into the workforce, compete with men and make money.” Supposedly, that would be a fulfilling life. But I was told that by a feminist mother who was divorced, who hated her husband — my father.

She tried to steer me on what she thought was the right path, but feminism is a lie. That’s what I want women to know.

I didn’t realize this until late in life. I want to tell women: Find someone in your 20s. That’s when you’re still very cute. That’s when you’re still amiable to working out problems with someone. It’s harder in your 50s, when you’ve lived alone, to compromise with someone, to have someone in your home and every little thing about them annoys you because you’re so used to being alone. It’s hard to undo that, so don’t do what I did. Find someone in your 20s.

Now I have a lot I want to say about this column, but I really liked what Robert Stacy McCain said in his post.

He wrote:

There is an entire category of self-help books by Christian women whose devotion to “traditional family values” somehow never resulted in them walking down the aisle, and so they write about the “godly single” life and offer relationship advice (which would seem to be the blind leading the blind, so to speak). [Older traditional conservative unmarried women] often blame men for their failure, complaining that men need to “man up.” The more likely explanation, of course, is that these women actually had matrimonial opportunities in their youth, but just didn’t play their cards right and, rather than confess their errors — “Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea máxima culpa” — instead rationalize their failure by scapegoating men.

I don’t want young women to be wasting their teens and 20s like this woman is, choosing men for relationships using criteria that have nothing at all to do with marriage, or what a man does in a marriage:

This person is looking for domestic violence, not a husband
She’s looking for drama, domestic violence and instability – not for a husband

I would advise young, unmarried women today not to indulge in drunkenness and promiscuity in their late teens and 20s. We know from studies that virgin brides make for a more stable and happier marriage. Given the divorce laws, and the high number of divorces for unhappiness, it makes sense to be a virgin and choose a virgin to marry. I think young women should focus their energy on relationships with men who don’t want sex before marriage, but would prefer to commit and start a family. Although these men may not be “attractive” according to superficial criteria, they should be selected because they are good at marriage, and want to marry sooner, rather than later.

On the other hand, I would advise successful man to choose a woman who is attracted to his abilities as a husband and father. Choose a woman who respects your ability to be serious, to be self-controlled, to be focused on serving others, and to achieve what you set out to achieve. Men need respect more than they need oxygen. In order to get that respect, a man has to choose a woman who has, from earliest times, preferred men who have good moral character, demonstrated leadership ability, and a proven record of achieving what he set out to achieve by wise decision-making.

Where are all the good women?

Captain Capitalism says that although successful men would like to have a wife and children, they are not finding any women who are qualified to be wives and mothers.

He writes:

It is a very REAL fact men are facing today when it comes to marriage – that the only younger women out there to date and potentially marry up are all brainwashed, leftist, NPC women.  They ALL vote democrat.  They ALL are feminists.  They ALL put their career above everything else.  They ALL have crippling debts.  They ALL have dubious careers.  And to any man who takes having a wife and forming a family seriously, these women are simply unqualified for the job.  This isn’t to say literally “all” women are like this (there are engineers, accountants, and traditional women), but the statistics are so skewed, so bad, there is effectively no choice for most men today.

There’s a wonderful opportunity here for Christian women to distinguish themselves from women who aren’t making good decisions about men and marriage.

For example, I think it’s a good idea for women to have a worldview that is pro-marriage. I even wrote a post about that, with 10 questions to evaluate whether you have a marriage-friendly worldview.

It’s also a good idea for young Christian women to prepare to how to discuss their faith intelligently with a man. I put together a helpful list of 10 questions that a woman who is serious about her Christian faith should be able to answer.

Ideally, it would be common for Christian women to understand how to discuss their faith in a reasoned way with non-Christians, using scientific and historical evidence. That will prepare her to evaluate a man’s spiritual leadership ability, and to answer the questions that serious Christian men will ask her to see if she is ready for marriage. Men ask these questions because we think about choosing someone who has an authentic faith in order to raise our children. The idea of putting an informed Christian woman in the mother role excites us. Note: men know that debt-free wives can have children sooner, and that means we will get more children. If you want to get married, and have lots of children, then choose a STEM degree, so you can get out of debt quickly with only a few years of work.

Christian women should be more serious about preparing for marriage, and choosing marriage-minded men, than this lady:

Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?
Do young women understand how to get to a stable marriage?

There’s no question today that women have the intelligence and ability to succeed in careers. We should be teaching them to apply their intelligence and ability to understanding how to prepare for marriage. They should understand when men want to marry and why men want to marry, and then govern their own decisions and priorities so that they achieve the goal of getting married. Not every man is marriage-ready and commitment-focused. But if women are serious about marriage, then they should choose to get into relationships ONLY with those men who are serious about marriage. They shouldn’t choose to waste their best years on fun with men who don’t want to commit to them.

10 thoughts on “Older career woman calls Dennis Prager show to warn young women about marriage”

  1. “…There’s no question today that women have the intelligence and ability to succeed in careers.”

    An open ‘secret’ that isn’t addressed or even mentioned in the MSM is that in addition to “intelligence” and “ability”, women also seem to ‘need’ mandatory quotas and Affirmative Action-type programs which block equally-qualified men from being able to get an ‘equal’ chance to succeed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. I was thinking about women and Christian apologetics when I wrote that.

      There is a lady in my office who is the director of her department and a leader in her church. I was telling her about the evidence for an origin of the universe last week in the kitchen, and she said that she had never heard of anyone using reason and evidence to promote the view that Christianity is true.

      How do you think that looks to a man who is interested in marrying a Christian woman for help in having a Christian influence? She’s just using Christianity to have fun, and be seen as authoritative in a community, but she can’t actually do the most basic work that a Christian is supposed to do. Read Acts 17 and see what Paul is doing. “Reasoning with” unbelievers “as was his custom”.

      The church prepares women to go into a never-never-land of feelings, and never come out. And then Christian men look at what the church produces, and we say “what can we do with this person who is focused on feelings, and not having an influence?” It’s no good. A basic Christian skill is being able to speak to a non-Christian intelligently about the truth claims of Christianity without requiring that they accept the Bible. Men look for this because we know that a wife affects our ability to have a Christian influence, and that she will raise the children while we are out working to pay the bills.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I usually try to engage my wife on topics related to apologetics and on facts (then again, I’m an engineer and she is a STEM-type).

        I really try to avoid the SJW causes and emotional thinking like “Ohhhh we really need to do more for those hoodlums south of the US-Mexico border, some of whom are destroying their hostels that the Mexican authorities and government don’t want residing there, some of whom are shouting and fighting in the streets and imbibing copious amounts of alcohol and taking drugs.”

        Source: https://abc13.com/politics/life-with-the-migrant-caravan-in-tijuana-mexico/4726441/
        (ABC! Not even right wing!)

        Oops. I mean, “We should care for asylum seekers who are just trying to improve their impoverished situation.” Cough.

        In any case, knowing your audience is important: my wife loved (and still loves) Star Trek so we talked a bit about SETI and a book review I read, talking about basically the fine-tuning of life on earth, and how scientists have been discovering more and more conditions that have to be met.

        You’ve got a bunch of articles!
        https://winteryknight.com/2015/11/05/four-ways-the-earth-is-fine-tuned-for-life-and-one-more/
        https://winteryknight.com/2018/05/22/what-is-the-fine-tuning-argument-for-gods-existence-and-does-the-multiverse-counter-it-2/
        etc.

        For instance, the earth resides in the Goldilocks zone for life, not too hot, not too cold, such that liquid water (and ice and water vapor) can all exist.

        We’re lucky to have our local Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner (Jupiter), probably a failed second star, that sucks up all stray cosmic flying objects.

        https://www.astrobio.net/meteoritescomets-and-asteroids/rethinking-jupiter/
        (Astrobiology Magazine, not a Christian publication)

        We’re lucky that our solar system is on the Orion arm (or spur) of the Milky Way Galaxy: to close to the center of the Milk Way Galaxy, and we would get a lot more cosmic radiation.

        All this great luck!

        Then in an almost non-sequitur, the non-Christian New York Times reviewer mentioned how it was so remarkable that for all the people on earth and all the scientists and so on, that nobody has ever witnesses spontaneous abiogenesis.

        https://winteryknight.com/2018/12/01/does-the-miller-urey-experiment-tell-us-anything-about-how-life-originated-on-earth/

        So yes, we talk about apologetics.

        I think you do a great job here of pointing out 1) discernment and 2) preparation. It’s important on both men and women in terms of 1) be wise in identifying good (and not necessarily merely “hawwwt”) candidates and 2) “getting oneself ready” for marriage.

        The interesting thing is that in the Conservative Christian/Evangelical Christian subculture of those who go to 4-year Christian colleges/Christian universities/Bible institutes/Bible Colleges/etc., the overwhelming majority DO get married within a few years of graduation.

        Here’s an amusing article dated last year: https://www.chronicle.com/article/Ring-by-Spring-How/241840

        (All you have to do is google search “ring by spring christian college”)

        We human beings are sometimes reactionary so some delay marriage. Some even delay marriage a lot for career and/or higher education (and even for sincere reasons like “not wanting to saddle up one’s spouse with huge debt” or “not being settled in life”).

        There were a number of nonstarters/deal-breakers for me in terms of dating as there should be. (Obviously we all have criteria. It’s NOT judgmental to say I won’t date a married woman or a separated-but-not-divorced woman, for starters.) We also have to prioritize what’s important and what’s not.

        It’s also highly important to prioritize lasting factors (such as character, worldview, etc.) over things like … “I like Mexican food”.

        I do think we should keep in mind God’s view of marriage in that both individuals are there to advanced God’s kingdom; marriage is a vehicle for sanctification. And that marriage may (or may not) result in children (depending on lots of factors like age, social status, injuries, cancer, health, etc.)

        I think it’s important for Christians to refine their worldview such that it does like up with the Bible — and it does take work to achieve a biblical worldview. Much along the lines of your discernment questions:

        One either believes the unborn is a life or not.
        When Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant, we don’t say, “Nice clump of cells!” or “Congratulations on your chemical reaction!”

        If thus, someone believes the unborn is not a life, obviously it logically follows that such a person should not be sympathetic if someone has a miscarriage (“Not enough reactants?”) or whatever.

        However, if one does believe this is a life, then taking of innocent life or a life who has not committed a crime should offend our sense of justice.

        It would not be consistent to say, “Well, I believe the unborn is a living being,” “but I can’t legislate that taking of the life is wrong.” (i.e., the soft pro-abortion stance)

        Thus we arrive at your mention of abortion laws in your links.

        One more thing. In the last month or so in my reading, there is a correlation between intelligence and STEM-orientation (and very specifically mathematics, which is the underpinning of the science, technology, and engineering) and not everyone is inclined towards STEM. Of course, you can work at it to get better and there are some tricks to get quite a bit better.

        I taught my seven-year-old “checking” (as in double-checking) this last week. If you rush through some questions and get only 75% correct (i.e., you get 25% wrong), and let’s say you have enough time to go through a second time and you do your checking at about the same ability and ‘independent of your original answer’ … so you cover up your answers and try to do it a second time, I think I could estimate that you jump from being a C-student (75% marks or 25% wrong) to being an A student by merely double-checking.

        Think of the fields where we think of high intelligence:
        Physics / doctors / medical specialists
        Dentists, Orthodontists
        Rocket Scientists and other engineers
        Physical Scientists/Research Scientists
        Software Developers
        Financial Engineers, Quants, Economists

        STEM requires a lot of applied intelligence, hard-work (and I know some people are rather averse to that), resilience/grit/perseverance/tenacity, and of course, interest.

        And of course, society values these skills and characteristics.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I see even the Church in this. Young women going off to be missionaries alone or being in “ministry” for their “season if singleness”. Seeking a man is looked on as shallow and they are told, essentially, that God will drop one in their lap when “the time is right”.
    Let me tell you something. That “season of singleness” passes 30, and your chances of marriage and family start to rapidly disappear. 30 year old guys are not looking for 30 year old women. They are looking for 22 to 25 year old women.
    The only reason I’m married to my wife is because she pursued me. She let me know in her own way that she was available and interested.
    The Church needs to make marriage look like the best thing ever and make, (and help), the guys to be the most masculine leaders they can be. Instead, I see lots of beta-training.
    There seems to be an attitude among women that they are too busy being a Christian to be concerned with silly things like finding a mate.
    Sad, really…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Men should be thankful for “today’s women”. If the men had any sense, they would realize that there is no reason to marry a women today!!!! Christian or otherwise, they will opt for the Fempowerment nuclear option, should they think they are unhappy!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Women have for years been less interested in even theological discussion. I remember in bible college with guys you could get into debates on the points and definitions of the trinity, Calvinism arminianism. Many different things.

    Most women would rather turn to corrinthians and talk about love

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “I didn’t realize this until late in life. I want to tell women: Find someone in your 20s.” More like find someone in your teens. Most of the couples I knew in high school are still together. The media portrays these kinds of couples as small town simpletons, but virtually all I knew went to college and are very educated. And they did finally well, since they were able to pool resources from the get-go. If you waited until you’re out of college to find a mate, you already waited too long.

    Like

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