Let’s start this post by quoting a passage from the Bible.
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
So with that in mind, I want to turn to a well-known Jewish talk show host named Dennis Prager, who is much loved and listened to by Christians. Dennis Prager features a lot of discussions about male-female relationships on his show, particularly during the male-female hour. In this two part series on male sexuality, he explains why women should not deprive their husbands of sex without a good reason.
Excerpt:
It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.
First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wife’s refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him. This is rarely the case for women. Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny). This is, therefore, usually a revelation to a woman. Many women think men’s natures are similar to theirs, and this is so different from a woman’s nature, that few women know this about men unless told about it.
This is a major reason many husbands clam up. A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet. And most men will never tell their wives why they have become quiet and distant. They are afraid to tell their wives. They are often made to feel ashamed of their male sexual nature, and they are humiliated (indeed emasculated) by feeling that they are reduced to having to beg for sex.
When first told this about men, women generally react in one or more of five ways…
He then explains the 5 ways that women respond to this.
Here’s one:
1. You have to be kidding. That certainly isn’t my way of knowing if he loves me. There have to be deeper ways than sex for me to show my husband that I love him.
I think that this is a common mistake that liberal women make because they think that men are just hairy women. But men are not women, we are different and sex means something different to men than it does to women. In the past, most women understood how men are different than women, but younger women have been taught that there are no differences between the sexes. To think any different is “sexism”.
Here’s another from the list:
4. You have it backwards. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t expect sex when I’m not in the mood.
Again, this is the common mistake that many younger women today make in thinking that love is a one-way street – flowing from men and children to the woman. If men and children DON’T do what the woman wants, or if they make demands on her, then they don’t “love” her and she is justified in ignoring them.
Liberal women have been taught to believe that they are always victims or some group of oppressors, such as men and children or corporations. It makes them rebel against having to do anything for anyone else, because they don’t want to be “oppressed”. That makes them unable to accept that relationships are give-and-take, Once a commitment to love another person permanently has been made, then each person has responsibilities to provide for the needs of the other.
I actually had a conversation with a Christian woman once who said that women should not be obligated to do things that they didn’t feel like doing. I asked her if men were obligated to go to work when they didn’t feel like going. She said yes, and acted as though I were crazy for asking. I just laughed, because she didn’t even see the inconsistency. The truth is that men often don’t feel like working, but they get up and go to work anyway, whether they like it or not (in most cases). Similarly, a women should feel obligated to have sex with her husband, even if she is not in a perfect mood for it (in most cases). Sometimes, a man stays home from work, and it’s OK. And sometimes a woman says no to sex, and it’s OK. But it’s not OK to stop doing it for months and months with no good reason.
Excerpt:
Here are eight reasons for a woman not to allow not being in the mood for sex to determine whether she denies her husband sex.
He then explains the eight reasons.
Here’s one of them:
7. Many contemporary women have an almost exclusively romantic notion of sex: It should always be mutually desired and equally satisfying or one should not engage in it. Therefore, if a couple engages in sexual relations when he wants it and she does not, the act is “dehumanizing” and “mechanical.” Now, ideally, every time a husband and wife have sex, they would equally desire it and equally enjoy it. But, given the different sexual natures of men and women, this cannot always be the case. If it is romance a woman seeks — and she has every reason to seek it — it would help her to realize how much more romantic her husband and her marriage are likely to be if he is not regularly denied sex, even of the non-romantic variety.
Women have to engage their husbands if they expect their husbands to engage in the marriage as a husband and father. Men can’t do their protector, provider and spiritual leader roles forever unless their needs are met at some point. Performance of these male duties is not free. Wives have to love their husbands in the way that men expect to be loved. That’s what they vowed to do in the wedding, isn’t it?
At the end of the article, Prager makes a general point about women that I think needs to be emphasized over and over and over:
That solution is for a wife who loves her husband — if she doesn’t love him, mood is not the problem — to be guided by her mind, not her mood, in deciding whether to deny her husband sex.
This problem of sex-withholding is so widespread, that it really makes me (although I am a virgin) wonder what women think that marriage is about anyway. When a woman vows to love her husband, what do they think that word really means? Why do women think that men marry? What do men want that marriage provides for them? Which of those needs are the women’s responsibility to provide for? I think these are questions that men should ask women. I think women should be prepared to answer them. Men should expect that women be reading books on men and marriage, and that she has relationships with men where she is giving support, respect, affirmation, affection and approval. You can learn a lot about a woman by how she treats her father, for example.
Unfortunately, many men today haven’t thought through what they need from wives in a marriage. They spend their young years chasing women who are fun and sexually permissive. Every husband I asked about what they need has told me that respect, affirmation, affection and regular sex are more important than appearance and fun. Pre-marital sex, having fun, getting drunk, and going out, etc. are not the right foundation for marriage – which requires mutual self-sacrifice in order to work.
Another point: I have a friend who is very concerned that men are breaking sexual rules, but he seems oblivious to 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. I asked him privately what he thought about sex-withholding, and whether this might cause husbands to turn to pornography and even affairs, and I mentioned 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. He said: “no, it’s not something I take much interest in”. I was tempted to ask him if the Bible was something that he does not take much interest in.
I think he misreads 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 so that it could only be used to condemn men. If that were his view, then it actually worries me if well-meaning men are actually undermining marriage, by teaching women that they have no responsibilities to keep the marriage going, and helping them to feel like victims when their marriages fall apart. Sometimes even people who claim to be pro-marriage can undermine marriage practically-speaking, because of their unBiblical belief that women are “naturally good” and should not have any responsibilities in a marriage.
I thought this attitude was so interesting in view of what I read in the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. In that book, Dr. Laura urges women to be sensitive to their husbands’ different male natures in order to avoid them looking at pornography and having affairs. Withholding sex from a man is the equivalent of a man withholding conversation to a woman. Sex is how a man feels loved! What’s remarkable is how female callers on her show are shocked that men react badly to being deprived of sex.
I do think that some men will look at porn and cheat regardless of what their wife does sexually, but then it again falls to the woman to choose a man who has demonstrated that he has self-control – i.e., a virgin who has remained chaste with her throughout the courtship and protected her from doing sexual things outside of the covenant context. Chastity is hard, but it is how a man loves his wife self-sacrificially, before he even meets her. It should be a trait much sought after and respected by women. Basically, women need to be led by their minds, not by their feelings, when choosing a husband.
A man has to get up and go to work every day for his family, regardless of whether he feels like it or not. In fact, the many decisions he has made before getting married are also made not because they make him happy, but because he needs to be responsible to his future wife and children. The decision to study science? Loving obligation. The decision to go to grad school in science? Loving obligation. The decision to work in a demanding, risky career? Loving obligation. The decision to save money and eat instant oatmeal for dinner? Loving obligation. Men don’t do these things because we enjoy them. We do it because we love our wives and children self-sacrificially, before we ever even meet them. I think that women need to do the same.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
There are woman that don’t understand the man’s mind. Bottonline, men love sex and if their partner will not provide they will seek somewhere else even though it’s not right.
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What frequently happens in marriage is that communication disintegrates, or perhaps more accurately, you both discover what poor interpersonal communicators you actually were. It is good that you are chaste and going to work when you don’t feel like it. Come home from a long day and still have energy and enthusiasm to engage and set aside your needs for other people who need you, and that is whole new level of sacrifice that you can’t really know until you’ve lived it. Marriage is learning how to live without, not learning what the other person is supposed to be doing for you. You can also be a wife who has regular, painful sex for nine+ months after a physically traumatic childbirth out of love and duty towards her husband and his needs and still have two people who remain unfulfilled.
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‘Marriage is learning how to live without, not learning what the other person is supposed to be doing for you.’
Most people don’t get that about marriage…hence why they are disappointed in it.
That’s why mortification before marriage helps prepare you better than most things the world says.
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‘Every husband I asked about what they need has told me that respect, affirmation, affection and regular sex are more important than appearance and fun.’
That’s probably why the Bible states for wives to respect their husband. God knows what each sex needs from each other in marriage.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5%3A33&version=NABRE
‘I have a friend who is very concerned that men are breaking sexual rules, but he seems oblivious to 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. I asked him privately what he thought about sex-withholding, and whether this might cause husbands to turn to pornography and even affairs, and I mentioned 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. He said: “no, it’s not something I take much interest in”.’
So a cafeteria Scripture reader he is. Picking and choosing which verses fit his worldview.
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I’d rather have no sex and be single…than have sex unreasonably withheld from me in marriage. One is living the proper state in your life…the other is rebelling from one of the fundamental things in marriage and can certainly lead to sin when a temptation comes around.
‘Withholding sex from a man is the equivalent of a man withholding conversation to a woman. Sex is how a man feels loved! What’s remarkable is how female callers on her show are shocked that men react badly to being deprived of sex.’
The solipsism is real.
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‘I actually had a conversation with a Christian woman once who said that women should not be obligated to do things that they didn’t feel like doing. I asked her if men were obligated to go to work when they didn’t feel like going. She said yes, and acted as though I were crazy for asking. I just laughed, because she didn’t even see the inconsistency.’
My guess is your typical woman doesn’t even think men have feelings (even if they say they want us to emote more)…or they do that dirty word they say men do…objectify.
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This is from The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura:
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‘ Many women are stuck in the “There shalt be no feelings before mine” mode. It’s a selfcentered position that has to be confronted and struggled with if there is to be any real compassion for the husband. ‘
Nailed it.
Often the only people in the world whose feelings matter more than hers (sometimes) is her kids.
Now I see why my dad would yell more at my mother when his feelings were hurt rather than ‘open up’.
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Indeed! I’m not saying you get to demand sex every night, but part of marriage is sex with your partner. Why marry of you don’t want to have sex? Ladies, your husbands aren’t always thrilled to go where you want to go, do what you want, watch your type of movies etc etc… Why shouldn’t you do some stuff he likes you may not always be thrilled by? Sex for a married couple is the same as any activity done together. Compromise!!!
https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/
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Feelings/mood/rebelling is the reason why.
Why is she just so eager to fornicate with certain men when she’s young and pretty…yet has a headache 30 days a month for the guy who committed to her?
Feelings.
It’s seems almost everyone in this society takes women’s feelings WAY too seriously.
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This is why I tell young men to put so much focus on finding a woman who has demonstrated through a pattern if actions that she is able to do things that she doesn’t feel like doing. That’s why I talk about women who do STEM degrees, do hard jobs, keep their promises, etc.
One if the things I see a lot if with women choices in education, career, and finances is that they find it impossible to do the right thing if they don’t feel like doing it. But when you friend up you have to do things you don’t feel like doing all the time.
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Yes there are MANY things we don’t feel like doing…but the action is what matters.
There are even things I like that sometimes I don’t feel like doing…sloth, laziness, and apathy are real things that we need grace to take care of.
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I knew a couple that divorced after 30 years. The wife thought the marriage was an 8 out of 10, even though they had sex once a year, and then only when she was drunk. The guy had an emotional affair. He was craving any sort of intimacy.
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Something similar happened to a now-former coworker. His wife had aparently “cut him off” romantically speaking quite some time ago, so he Tweeted off a genital pic to a female coworker in the hopes of coaxing her into an affair. He lost his job of 30 years as a result. The article rings true, too; the poor guy had a slumped, defeatist demeanor to him. Just one of the many reasons why I’m not walking the aisle. Or plank, depending on your viewpoint.
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And a guy would get raked over the coals if he just decided one day to ‘cut off’ his wife from his provision. We really need to get back to rebuking sinful behaviors in women instead of letting them do whatever they feel (same for men however I think the rebuking certainly happens more to them).
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It is difficult for a man to accept even a just rebuke when its only guys like him that are still expected to play by the rules. That is the greatest danger of the Church being a dishonest referee in such cases, and it presently is VERY dishonest. I’ve not heard even a hint of lower case O orthodox presentation of the responsibilities of wives within matrimony in a church larger than 150 or so, and even then, the pastor felt compelled to launder that message through his wife.
But imagine there are two soccer teams. One is allowed to cheat and use their hands flagrantly by the referee, whereas the other is judged harshly for any infractions. What do you think the second team will think of the referee?
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This is exactly what I am thinking. The church is so antihmale and so clueless about social issues that there has been virtually no reaction to false allegations by pro-abortion women. The male leaders in the church by and large are not intelligent or strategic enough to recognize the threat posted by feminism. So the long March of abortion and single mother welfare will continue until the demographic crisis buries us all.
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Mmmm, not quite. There is actual biblical instruction specifically prohibiting only one of those behaviors. The KJV actually labels it an act of defrauding. “Deprive” doesn’t carry the same weight.
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Defrauding is a good term because that’s what it is in marriage.
I’d wonder if it is similar when the act of fornication is committed when it comes to a defrauding.
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A woman withholding sex from a man is the equivalent of a man having sex with a woman other than his wife. They are both infidelity to the marriage. They are both cheating the other out of something rightfully theirs in the marriage.
Female sexual deprivation is a form of infidelity and cheating. It is every bit as serious a problem and injurious to the marriage as a man sleeping with other women.
Women, if you are not giving your husbands regular sex when he wants it, if you’re bitching and complaining about sleeping with your husbands and you won’t do it, your marriage is in very serious trouble and you have a critical, often marriage-fatal, problem on your hands. And you need to fix it, fast, or your husband WILL find other outlets for that sexual energy, and you will not like most of them.
You are cheating your husband out of something that is rightfully his. You have broken your marital vows. And you need to repent and throw yourself on the mercy of your husbands and hope to God he doesn’t divorce you (which he should, but he probably wont). Now.
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Huh. My comment didn’t make it.
Yes, a wife withholding sex is a form of breach of marital vows. It’s cheating. A wife withholding sex from a husband is cheating her husband out of something that is rightfully his – unfettered access to her body for sex.
Women, if you are not having sex with your husbands regularly, you have broken your marital vows. You have broken your promises to him. You are guilty of infidelity to him. You have cheated on him and cheated him out of something that’s his, that you promised to give him, freely and without reservation.
And you need to repent, throw yourselves on your husbands’ mercies, and hope he doesn’t divorce you for your unfaithfulness. And then throw yourself on God’s mercy.
And then walk out your repentance.
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I have no idea how your comment didn’t make it! I would certainly approve it.
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So true . But will a woman read th,s? I found a good one and few years ago: 25 ways a woman can show respectct to her husband. But my wife will not read it at all. Says she knows it already, but then why do insist on bringing to her attention numerous times?
Quite literally and physically, this problem is maddening! I didn’t feel like driving her to the doctors so she could get a sick certificate for work. I tempted talking bout that she could drive herself, but quickly (and wisely) retreated my words to avoid argument and promptly got myself together for a 5min drive for my dear wife, as I waited calmly half hour for her to be ready. G would surely be in trouble if I refused because realistically, what justifiable reason did I have? I didn’t feel like driving 5min and spend time with my wife so I could stay home to continue Netflix? That ain’t important. Spending time with her and doing things for her to make her happy is important.
So Later that night, when it was time for bed, I mention about sex But was immediately rejected. I asked again and was told “tomorrow” – as if I hadn’t heard that a million times. I dared not argue, said okay, and went back to the computer.
Now why can women get away with refusing to do something (that involve them “doing nothing, going nowhere”) for the one man they committed to, when the husband gets raked over the coals when he simply mentions that he doesn’t feel like doing something (that usually involves actually “doing something, going somewhere” that she could probably do herself or whathaveyou)?
That is hypocrisy right there and she won’t see it cause she don’t want to believe she is guilty of any wrong doing so she won’t listen to it.
Happy wife happy life? Unsatisfying and straining repressed sex life = unhappy husband = increased resentment from neglected husband = unhappy wife.
Ladies are you reading this? It’s lMPORTANT, you loved your husband so much that u gave your body to him, so don’t neglect him by taking it away. Be faithful means sexx only with him, and also means that you actually have sexx with him.
Men are ready to go with a minutes of stimulation, women take a couple more minutes (generally speaking). So allow him the opportunity to get u in the mood. You will regret withholding in time.
Want peace of mind? Want a happier marriage and life? Do this for your husband and fulfill his needs as part of your wifely duties and he will find it so
I told her “if you going to make me wait for quickies, I’m going to make you wait for it to begin AND finish!”
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Do this for your husband and fulfill his needs as part of your wifely duties and he will find it so much easier to be the romantic man u want to fulfill your needs. All it takes is a simple act of love and kindness. After all you do love the man don’t you? So say yes!
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