First, I want to recap this story about a woman who had an 8-year relationship with a former NBA basketball player. He proposed marriage around year 7. In year 8, the NBA player announced that he was gay and broke off their engagement.
The UK Daily Mail reported on it in 2013:
The former fiancee of NBA star Jason Collins, who in April came out as the first openly gay athlete in a major American team sport, has spoken for the first time about the heartache of losing the man she loved.
Carolyn Moos had been with Mr Collins for eight years before he called off their wedding without explanation in July 2009.
‘I had no idea why,’ the 35-year-old reveals in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. ‘We had planned to have children, build a family. Nearly four years later, I got my answer. My former fiancé, Jason Collins. . . announced last spring in Sports Illustrated that he is gay.’
[…][S]he found out her ex-fiance was gay the same day the magazine hit newsstands.
[…]In the revealing essay, Ms Moos re-lives the day that Mr Collins, a pro basketball player with the Washington Wizards, called off their wedding without giving a reason.
‘It was July of 2009, and he had just returned home from a road trip with his twin brother, Jarron. I had been living with Jason in Los Angeles for the previous year, ever since our engagement.
8 years with no proposal? Living together before marriage? I’m pretty sure that they were having sex before marriage during this 8 years. Is this what a man who is interested in commitment and children does with a woman?
More:
‘Another time, he told me that I was his soul mate and I was meant for him.’
During the next few years, the couple began to build a life together in Los Angeles, and Mr Collins proposed on a trip to Mexico in 2008.
‘Some seven years after we had begun our relationship, he finally said the words I had waited so long to hear,’ Ms Moos recalled.
‘I remember feeling overwhelmed with joy and also thinking: finally. I was almost 30. In the air on the way home, I saw my future unfolding before me. I pictured our family: intelligent, athletic, tall, dynamic.’
She pictured her future family, and she did not picture moral character or spiritual leadership. Her fiance was not chosen for moral character or spiritual leadership. Yes, he was famous. Yes, he was rich (from throwing a ball into a hoop). Yes, he was handsome. But real men do not wait 8 years to commit to a woman, if they really love her. Real men are serious with a wife candidate right up front, and the courtship is intense and has a clear goal of finding out whether there should be a marriage, or not. It’s not about having fun, e.g. – taking trips together to Mexico together. It’s about finding out whether each person has demonstrated a capability for self-sacrificial love. Working out in a gym does not build character. Throwing a ball into a hoop does not build character. She would have been better off with an ordinary, non-famous man who was serious about marriage and children. Ordinary, non-famous people know what commitment requires, and what marriage is about.
Everybody celebrate
According to Wikipedia (not linked), many people on the political left cheered her fiance on when he announced his surprise for her:
Following his announcement, Collins has received high praise and support for deciding to publicly reveal that he is gay. Fellow NBA star Kobe Bryant praised his decision, as did others from around the league, including NBA commissioner David Stern. President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, former president Bill Clinton, and Collins’ corporate sponsor Nike were also among those offering their praise and support for Collins.The Guardian called it significant for LGBT acceptance “as professional sports had long been seen as the final frontier.”
Yes, yes. Everyone jump up and down and cheer for this man who wasted 8 years of a woman’s life – the best years of her beauty and youth. Letters poured in. There were media appearances. Then-President Obama even phoned him and congratulated him. Phoned him and congratulated him for being gay, and ending an 8 year relationship with a girl he had pumped and dumped. During one interview he explained that he always knew he was gay. I wish he had told Carolyn that, instead of telling her she was his “soul-mate”. Newsflash: MEN LIE FOR SEX, which is why women used to make them wait until marriage.
Freezing her eggs
She spent her fertile 20s and early 30s, from 23-31, with this NBA player. Fertility starts dropping off at age 27. It takes another nosedive at age 35. So she decided to freeze her eggs, which a lot of feminists who delay marriage are doing these days.
Here is a video of Carolyn Moos explaining her decision to freeze her eggs.
According to the radically-leftist New York Times, egg-freezing has about a 30% success rate for producing a live baby, and it’s very expensive. IVF, you’ll recall, typically results in many embryos being “discarded”, which is why pro-lifers are careful with it.
Obviously, I think that Carolyn bears the responsibility for choosing THIS man out of all the OTHER men she could have chosen. She has to reap what she’s sown. We can certainly learn from her mistake – wasting her young and fertile years with an overgrown child who made a living throwing balls into hoops. However, I am writing this post because of the people who praise those who walk away from commitments. There seems to be a lot of praise being given to people who end commitments to “be true to themselves”. I think it’s important to think about the victims of the Sexual Revolution – which was essentially a revolution putting selfishness above self-sacrificial love, and the needs of children. When people are true to their selfishness, people get used. Marriages crumble to pieces.
These days, we seem to have given up on giving young women advice about what kind of men they should be in relationships with. We just let them decide for themselves based on their feelings and their peer’s opinions and the teachings of the popular culture around them. Maybe men need to have a little more courage about disagreeing with young women who are “following their hearts”.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
In agreement with your conclusion.
Selfishness will lead the world no further than backwards. The way some men treat others is shocking. Eight years with cohabitation! I just pray that these people come to the knowledge of the truth.
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I knew a Christian woman who dated a guy for 12 years; he kept postponing marriage to her! She was in her mid 30’s when she finally wised up and decided to try and find someone else. Better late than never.
Ladies, if he is not ready to propose engagement after 12 months of dating, break it off and move on! If a guy is not ready after 12 months, their is something wrong, maybe he is not done with school, maybe he has financial problems, maybe he is just not excited about you. Does not matter the reason, you don’t have to figure it out, just move on so another guy can find you.
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Bee,
Generally I agree with you, although there are some exceptions. One wonderful Christian couple I know (plus their three kids and more than a decade and a half of marriage) dated for about ten years before getting married. You’re probably expecting a catch!
Yes, they met in youth group at the beginning of high school. 4 years of dating in high school, they both went to the same college for undergrad (MIT), he was in a Ph.D. program and she had just finished her Master’s degree when they got engaged. I believe they were 24 or 25 when they got married. I think that’s more of the exception though.
I’ve gotten a chance to know both of the individuals above and they are a great couple. He definitely showed spiritual leadership throughout college and even after.
Yes, if a person is over 25, one should be self-aware enough to know what one needs (i.e., keep the spousal shopping list specific and not excessively long and know what one has to offer and so on), and then a year of dating exclusively, one should know if one is ready to take the next step.
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“…dated for about ten years before getting married.”
Dating the same person for 10 years and not having sex with them would be extremely difficult and extremely tempting! For Christians this is putting 2 young people in a very unwise situation.
Also, for a man, regular sex is a great way to reduce stress and to improve the quality of sleep. This man probably would have performed better in school if he had married much sooner. Napoleon Hill observed that successful business leaders were men with a high sex drive that had the discipline to channel their sex drive into having a large number of children with one woman, their wife.
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I could say a lot about this, but you’re 100% right:
“Also, for a man, regular sex is a great way to reduce stress and to improve the quality of sleep. This man probably would have performed better in school if he had married much sooner. Napoleon Hill observed that successful business leaders were men with a high sex drive that had the discipline to channel their sex drive into having a large number of children with one woman, their wife.”
This is some that the women of today seem to not understand. They often want to delay marriage, not realizing how it affects men to not get sex when they are going through school and starting out their careers. I have been very successful in my career, now making 6 figures in income and living in a paid-off house in a red state. I view the whole 20–year process as one big nightmare of fear and crisis, constantly trying not to get fired, feeling distracted, and watching the married men work harder and focus better as they rose above me up the ladder.
It is is a known fact that married men make 40% more than single men. People don’t realize how ridiculous it is for a self-made man to take on a wife after he has done everything himself. The Christian women who approach me now are aged 33-37, and they partied with alcohol and bad boys through their 20s, while I was gutting it out as a virgin, working 70 hour weeks during the recessions. Do they not realize how ridiculous it is for a woman to show up after all the fighting is over, and ask to share in the results, when she was never there when I needed her? Even if the perfect woman showed up now, I couldn’t marry her, it would not be fair.
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Bee–
Oh, he performed plenty well in school:
Double majored: Electrical Engineering, Mathematics in 4 years.
Tau Beta Pi (National Honors Engineering Society, he would have had to have straight A’s, which is the top 10% at MIT)
Eta Kappa Nu (National Honor Society for Computer Science and Electrical Engineering), I think Tau Beta Pi would have implied Eta Kappa Nu. (I was a Sigma Gamma Tau [National Aerospace Engineering Honors Society]+Tau Beta Pi at MIT.)
Undergraduate research: Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Lab, Media Lab
Athletics: Varsity Men’s Squash
Was very involved with United Christian Fellowship (the InterVarsity chapter). We co-authored tracts one year for United Christian Orientation (he was a rising junior that summer), which is how I got to know him.
Awarded: Master’s of Engineering before he was engaged, Ph.D. after 3 years of being married? (These are not honorary degrees.) Doctoral thesis: “Semiconductor-based all-optical switching for optical time-division multiplexed networks.”
I didn’t spend a ton of time with his then-girlfriend now-wife, but he always treated her honorably. I don’t think they had any PDA (physical displays of affection).
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I did not say he did not do well. I said he could have done even better. Also, his long term health would be better because of less stress.
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Certainly dating through 4 years of high school makes sense but that should not be a hard and fast rule. I went to high school with one girl who married the summer between her junior and senior year. I knew her dad, I think she was good wife material.
Regarding your exception to the rule, my argument would be she does not need a Masters degree.
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The woman decided she wanted to be a full-time Chemistry teacher (and later part-time teacher after she had kids), thus the need for the Master’s degree.
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3 children is just replacement, it is not growth. A couple needs to have 4 or more children to grow the church on earth. Larger families is a great way to grow the church and thus the Kingdom of God.
Many of the top executives that Napoleon Hill studied had five children, not three.
Married amish women average 8 children per family.
Better for Christian families to have 4 or more children than for the wife to be a Chemistry teacher.
“The good is the enemy of the best!”
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