Let’s start this post by quoting a passage from the Bible.
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
So with that in mind, I want to turn to a well-known Jewish talk show host named Dennis Prager, who is much loved and listened to by Christians. Dennis Prager features a lot of discussions about male-female relationships on his show, particularly during the male-female hour. In this two part series on male sexuality, he explains why women should not deprive their husbands of sex without a good reason.
Excerpt:
It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.
First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wife’s refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him. This is rarely the case for women. Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny). This is, therefore, usually a revelation to a woman. Many women think men’s natures are similar to theirs, and this is so different from a woman’s nature, that few women know this about men unless told about it.
This is a major reason many husbands clam up. A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet. And most men will never tell their wives why they have become quiet and distant. They are afraid to tell their wives. They are often made to feel ashamed of their male sexual nature, and they are humiliated (indeed emasculated) by feeling that they are reduced to having to beg for sex.
When first told this about men, women generally react in one or more of five ways…
He then explains the 5 ways that women respond to this.
Here’s one:
1. You have to be kidding. That certainly isn’t my way of knowing if he loves me. There have to be deeper ways than sex for me to show my husband that I love him.
I think that this is a common mistake that liberal women make because they think that men are just hairy women. But men are not women, we are different and sex means something different to men than it does to women. In the past, most women understood how men are different than women, but younger women have been taught that there are no differences between the sexes. To think any different is “sexism”.
Here’s another from the list:
4. You have it backwards. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t expect sex when I’m not in the mood.
Again, this is the common mistake that many younger women today make in thinking that love is a one-way street – flowing from men and children to the woman. If men and children DON’T do what the woman wants, or if they make demands on her, then they don’t “love” her and she is justified in ignoring them.
Liberal women have been taught to believe that they are always victims or some group of oppressors, such as men and children or corporations. It makes them rebel against having to do anything for anyone else, because they don’t want to be “oppressed”. That makes them unable to accept that relationships are give-and-take, Once a commitment to love another person permanently has been made, then each person has responsibilities to provide for the needs of the other.
I actually had a conversation with a Christian woman once who said that women should not be obligated to do things that they didn’t feel like doing. I asked her if men were obligated to go to work when they didn’t feel like going. She said yes, and acted as though I were crazy for asking. I just laughed, because she didn’t even see the inconsistency. The truth is that men often don’t feel like working, but they get up and go to work anyway, whether they like it or not (in most cases). Similarly, a women should feel obligated to have sex with her husband, even if she is not in a perfect mood for it (in most cases). Sometimes, a man stays home from work, and it’s OK. And sometimes a woman says no to sex, and it’s OK. But it’s not OK to stop doing it for months and months with no good reason.
Excerpt:
Here are eight reasons for a woman not to allow not being in the mood for sex to determine whether she denies her husband sex.
He then explains the eight reasons.
Here’s one of them:
7. Many contemporary women have an almost exclusively romantic notion of sex: It should always be mutually desired and equally satisfying or one should not engage in it. Therefore, if a couple engages in sexual relations when he wants it and she does not, the act is “dehumanizing” and “mechanical.” Now, ideally, every time a husband and wife have sex, they would equally desire it and equally enjoy it. But, given the different sexual natures of men and women, this cannot always be the case. If it is romance a woman seeks — and she has every reason to seek it — it would help her to realize how much more romantic her husband and her marriage are likely to be if he is not regularly denied sex, even of the non-romantic variety.
Women have to engage their husbands if they expect their husbands to engage in the marriage as a husband and father. Men can’t do their protector, provider and spiritual leader roles forever unless their needs are met at some point. Performance of these male duties is not free. Wives have to love their husbands in the way that men expect to be loved. That’s what they vowed to do in the wedding, isn’t it?
At the end of the article, Prager makes a general point about women that I think needs to be emphasized over and over and over:
That solution is for a wife who loves her husband — if she doesn’t love him, mood is not the problem — to be guided by her mind, not her mood, in deciding whether to deny her husband sex.
This problem of sex-withholding is so widespread, that it really makes me (although I am a virgin) wonder what women think that marriage is about anyway. When a woman vows to love her husband, what do they think that word really means? Why do women think that men marry? What do men want that marriage provides for them? Which of those needs are the women’s responsibility to provide for? I think these are questions that men should ask women. I think women should be prepared to answer them. Men should expect that women be reading books on men and marriage, and that she has relationships with men where she is giving support, respect, affirmation, affection and approval. You can learn a lot about a woman by how she treats her father, for example.
Unfortunately, many men today haven’t thought through what they need from wives in a marriage. They spend their young years chasing women who are fun and sexually permissive. Every husband I asked about what they need has told me that respect, affirmation, affection and regular sex are more important than appearance and fun. Pre-marital sex, having fun, getting drunk, and going out, etc. are not the right foundation for marriage – which requires mutual self-sacrifice in order to work.
Another point: I have a friend who is very concerned that men are breaking sexual rules, but he seems oblivious to 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. I asked him privately what he thought about sex-withholding, and whether this might cause husbands to turn to pornography and even affairs, and I mentioned 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. He said: “no, it’s not something I take much interest in”. I was tempted to ask him if the Bible was something that he does not take much interest in.
I think he misreads 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 so that it could only be used to condemn men. If that were his view, then it actually worries me if well-meaning men are actually undermining marriage, by teaching women that they have no responsibilities to keep the marriage going, and helping them to feel like victims when their marriages fall apart. Sometimes even people who claim to be pro-marriage can undermine marriage practically-speaking, because of their unBiblical belief that women are “naturally good” and should not have any responsibilities in a marriage.
I thought this attitude was so interesting in view of what I read in the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. In that book, Dr. Laura urges women to be sensitive to their husbands’ different male natures in order to avoid them looking at pornography and having affairs. Withholding sex from a man is the equivalent of a man withholding conversation to a woman. Sex is how a man feels loved! What’s remarkable is how female callers on her show are shocked that men react badly to being deprived of sex.
I do think that some men will look at porn and cheat regardless of what their wife does sexually, but then it again falls to the woman to choose a man who has demonstrated that he has self-control – i.e., a virgin who has remained chaste with her throughout the courtship and protected her from doing sexual things outside of the covenant context. Chastity is hard, but it is how a man loves his wife self-sacrificially, before he even meets her. It should be a trait much sought after and respected by women. Basically, women need to be led by their minds, not by their feelings, when choosing a husband.
A man has to get up and go to work every day for his family, regardless of whether he feels like it or not. In fact, the many decisions he has made before getting married are also made not because they make him happy, but because he needs to be responsible to his future wife and children. The decision to study science? Loving obligation. The decision to go to grad school in science? Loving obligation. The decision to work in a demanding, risky career? Loving obligation. The decision to save money and eat instant oatmeal for dinner? Loving obligation. Men don’t do these things because we enjoy them. We do it because we love our wives and children self-sacrificially, before we ever even meet them. I think that women need to do the same.
WINTERY KNIGHT 
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
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Hear, Hear! Even Sadder is A Devout Single Christian woman who understands this, and Prays for a Christian Man HUSBAND who seeks this & Will Desire Sex, Often! So Excrutiating Frustrating When the Men, once they are single, again, think this of All Women.
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Oh, I am sorry. I don’t think this of ALL women. My best girl friend is a midwife and she doesn’t think this. She is totally awesome and has no flaws.
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Praise God for Christ centered women,like you Karen, who GET IT and desire Gods wonderful gift of sex between a husband & wife.
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Wintery Knight, I Adore your blog! Tis right on & the way I was raised. Alas & Alack, Men in my part of the Upper South (the Appalachian Mtns/foothills) are frightened by an woman with an education, even a midwife. I wasn’t trying to say/convey that my being a midwife has weight to my personal devout & Christian faith. walk.
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Midwifery is one of the best jobs for a wife. You have so much character built up from the stress and demands that husband and kids are easy!
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I so wish & pray that the Lord brings your message/blog to the men around here. I do my best at sharing your link & & copy/post your blog onto my FB page!
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Awww thank you.
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U R very welcome!
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Is there any way to feed/stream your blog into/onto my FB page? I’m not tech savvy (In fact, I call technology The Anti-Christ) and I’ve searched several times for some way to stream you right in.
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Awww, you can like the blog’s FB page:
http://www.facebook.com/wintery.knight.blog
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I had sex withheld for ten years, until I finally had to go outside the marriage. (After the first couple of years you basically go numb.) It was either that or go mad. You said the problem of withholding sex is widespread. Do you hear men in church talking about that? It is not an easy thing to talk about since it is embarrassing and emasculating.
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Ten years is just unbelievable. It’s this kind of nightmare scenario that scares me, and I want to understand why this happens. Were the people virgins before marriage? Were they Christians with an understanding of gender roles in marriage? Is there any support for husbands in the church on these issues? Have they ever gone to therapy? It’s because these things are such a mystery to me that it is scary to me. You would think that women who have sex before marriage would be safer, but I’ve found that women who have premarital sex have all kinds of reasons of their own for doing it that having nothing to do with covenental obligations – e.g. – to feel accepted, to get peer-approval, to keep a relationship going. Actually, the only thing that makes marriage safe is when you have evidence that the woman is willing to do things that she doesn’t feel like doing because she accepts responsibilities and obligations as the price she pays for forming a union with another man, who will have responsibilities and obligations to her. Basically, the further you can get from a woman who pursues happiness and indulges her feelings, the better. I am always looking for women who do hard things and shoulder tough obligations. Those ones are the safest ones, in my opinion. Ones who think that things that are worth doing are goal-directed and require nose-to-the-grindstone levels of work.
I find out about this because I contact people who comment on my blog directly, as well as my online friends through Facebook.
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“It’s this kind of nightmare scenario that scares me, and I want to understand why this happens. Were the people virgins before marriage? Were they Christians with an understanding of gender roles in marriage? Is there any support for husbands in the church on these issues? Have they ever gone to therapy? It’s because these things are such a mystery to me that it is scary to me.”
I’ll tell you why it happens. There are really only two reasons for it:
1. Most women are marrying men they aren’t as physically attracted to as the men they used to date and/or sleep with.
2. The current Christian/churchian attitude toward sex is that a woman never ever has to have sex with her husband if she doesn’t feel like it.
A tiny, tiny few of these women were virgins before marriage. More so with men, though. Almost all the time they were not Christians before marriage. Or they became “Christians” after marriage with perverted, twisted understandings of sex. You know, the “women want candlelight and love; men are all sick, evil beasts who just want sex sex SEX all the time” theology.
No, there is no support for husbands in the church on these issues. None whatsoever. Churchians and Christians have no understanding at all of female nature. Men are told that women are “slow cookers” sexually, and they need hours on hours to get themselves in the mood for sex. That’s as wrong as can be, and is a toxic brew to serve to marrieds.
Therapy for couples is worse than useless, and in fact actually can hurt. Most individual therapy for men consists of “tell me about your mom” and “get in touch with your feelings”. Very little about “accept reality”.
There are almost no virgin women left, not even in the churches. They all want “hot” men. And most men in churches aren’t “hot”. Just is so nowadays. That’s just how it is. At Dalrock’s there’s an ongoing discussion of how confidence isn’t important for men. It’s all about looks. And you know? I’m starting to accept that. There’s very little hope for men who aren’t “hot”. Most of them need to accept they aren’t going to get married, and they will never find someone who will truly love them and be sexually attracted to them.
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I appreciate you trying to express these ideas in a way that is easy on the ears. I want men to express themselves in a way that the maximum number of people in the mushy middle will listen to our concerns, and you are certainly good at it.
I actually think that looks and confidence should be the LEAST important thing to a woman. What a man does in a marriage is NOT look good and express unfounded confidence (foolhardiness). What a man does is earn money, save money, mentor people in morality, theology and apologetics, and he is faithful and loving to his wife. But our culture is so far from teaching women what kind of man will really do the work that a marriage requires that now it is all down to physical appearance.
And men adjust. They stop doing the things that men used to do, and start focusing on their appearances. At least the sex they get is something, even if what they really want is the acceptance, approval and affection of a wife.
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2.5 yrs for me. WOW! 10 yrs. Beyond NOT GOOD! I’m sorry for the both of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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As I’ve said before, if a woman believes she doesn’t owe her husband sex, then her husband doesn’t owe her fidelity or support. She has already broken her marriage vows – to have and to hold – and STILL manages to blame the man and call him selfish for wanting sex. It’s crazy!
But, once he’s trapped in a bad marriage, what does he do – sin by a combination of porn, masturbation and adultery? Divorce her and destroy the lives of his children? Deal with the massive financial cost of divorce? Or grin and bear it – and maintain the lifestyle of a sinful wife?
I’ve seen even “Christian” authors online who blame the man for his lack of self control. I’ve heard stories from my friends going to “Christian” marriage counselors who have said, “You can’t just expect your wife to do anything. Your wife doesn’t owe you anything, especially sex.” To which he asked, “Can I expect my wife not to become a drug addict? Or an abusive mother? Can I expect her to keep her marriage vows?” There wasn’t a good answer for that one.
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The troubling thing is when a woman is guided more by her feelings than by obligations. So that she does what feels good to her, and then finds Bible verses and Christian leaders who can explain why she is justified. This is my worst nightmare, where “follow your heart” overrules any kind of reasonable, goal-directed plan.
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If a woman truly loves her husband, she’ll be happy to have sex with him—even if she’s not ‘in the mood’. For one thing, as Dr. Laura used to chucklingly point out, most women pretty quickly find that mood changing once things begin. But for another…again, it’s about loving your husband. And seriously…is it THAT awful? Really? REALLY? Then why did you marry to begin with?
I’ve made pretty much the same comment at Dalrock, and someone suggested I was wrong, because a woman should be IN love with her husband, and that will encourage her to make love to him. But IMO this is wrong—especially in a woman—because that ‘in love’ feeling ebbs and flows, particularly during difficult times, such as major health concerns, the death of a loved one or God forbid a child, or simply stressful times and seasons. Love itself, real love, is, as we’ve so often heard, action, not a feeling. Feelings are, frankly, almost entirely untrustworthy. Therefore, it ought not matter whether a woman is IN love with her husband at that moment or not. If she loves him, barring true extenuating circumstances, she’ll say yes…or even pursue him herself (*gasp*).
IMO it tends to come down to a) selfishness and b) feminism’s insidious influence (nice “hairy woman” reference, ha! There is now tea on the screen). There are occasionally genuine health issues, but that’s what doctors are for, and a concerned woman will seek their help in order to keep that marital ‘glue’…um…well, glue-y.
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LOL! Sorry about the tea on the screen. I agree with you 100% down the line. Great comment.
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@Wintery Knight
It’s this kind of nightmare scenario that scares me, and I want to understand how this happens.”
While my case is extreme, it is quite easy for it to happen if you are firmly in the grasp of the Blue-Pill world, which I was, before I found sites like yours (Thanks!). You completely buy into the FI worldview: it’s all your fault if she’s not happy; it’s all your fault if she is unfaithful; she owes you nothing – never mind affection and sex; you owe her everything; the woman’s opinions about marriage, relationships, raising children are superior to yours; etc. Pretty much what the modern church teaches men today. I felt terrible about going outside the marriage – I still do. But it was either that or self-terminate, which is a legacy I didn’t want to leave to my son.
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I know what you mean about the opinions, and it doesn’t matter what accomplishments you have – in any area! Financially, professionally, in Christian ministry. There is no respect, and no value is attached to proven capabilities.
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At least in the following context, the Bible says that denial of sex is a ground for divorce. In context, it’s specifically talking about the man denying the woman.
Exodus 22
10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
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Okay what if the woman is a virgin and you marry but she wasnt ready for sex so has put it on hold ?
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DEFRAUD YE NOT ONE ANOTHER.
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Am asking that what if she isnt ready?
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Then she should pay her husband back for all of whatever money he spent on their wedding, apologize to him for wasting so much of his time, get an annulment, and buy five cats and live by herself.
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So that is your solution to a woman is at that time isn’t ready? How about calming her fears of her first time? Do how know how nervous your first time can be,but apparently not since I’m guessing that you are male and don’t have to worry about someone inserting something into you that cause a piece of flesh to break and cause bleeding
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If she is preoccupied with the pain of her first time sexual experience–if she is really THAT afraid of sex with him, then she’s chosen poorly, isn’t really attracted to the man, has been poorly prepared for the experience of first time sex through parental/educational malpractice, and/or doesn’t want to marry him.
She should not marry the man.
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Then she shouldn’t be getting married
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Assuming a female is an adult and doesn’t have any physical problems that would prevent sex and is married, she is ready for sex. If she doesn’t FEEL ready, it’s because her mental state is in the wrong, not because she truly isn’t ready.
There are certainly ways to help change her feelings about sex. Pointing out the purpose for sex and Christian teaching about sex (e.g. “do not deprive,” and created by God for marriage) can help with some women. Alleviating fears by having her learn the biological facts about sex can help. Going slow and using a lot of foreplay can definitely help.
However, the most important thing is to ensure that the woman chosen for marriage has the correct view of sex. Women who don’t understand what sex means to a man or the importance of sex in marriage, who think sex is bad or dirty, or who don’t understand the duties and responsibilities that they have in marriage are BAD marriage partners. All men contemplating marriage should discuss sexual expectations and duties with their prospective wife before the marriage and be on the alert for any hesitation about having sex when they don’t feel like it or any indication that sex is unpleasant or dirty in their minds.
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Thank you for your response. I had ask this question because I have read a lot of post on various christian forums from women who were virgins or not on their wedding night and they were nervous,some had history of sexual abuse and others had a very bad perspective on sex.
I do have another question, you said that ” assuming a female is an adult and doesn’t have any physical problems that would prevent sex and is married,she is ready for sex”
How does being married automatically assume a woman is ready for sex? This is something that has been floating around in my brain latwly since my mother keeps bringing up the idea of marriage & her doing a good job on raising me and being a virgin.
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Child of Ra, Lindsey:
There is no such thing as a woman who isn’t “ready” for sex. There are women who do want to have sex (almost all of them), and women who don’t want to have sex (very few). A woman who doesn’t want to have sex is one of the following:
1. A rape victim (I mean REAL rape, not “date rape” and not “went too far” rape and not “regret sex” rape.)
2. A victim of a dysfunctional upbringing and who was given wrong ideas about sex.
3. Most likely, not attracted to the men available to her.
Most of the time, a woman doesn’t want to have sex because she isn’t attracted to the men around her. Most of the time, a woman who doesn’t want to have sex with her boyfriend or husband is such because she doesn’t find him sexually attractive.
And if a woman is in one of the above three categories, she should not get married.
You cannot change how a woman feels about sex. She has to change herself in that regard. There is nothing a man can do to change her feelings. She has to do that for herself.
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I know a woman like this who has these feelings of not being attracted to normal men, and it was because she had a lot of hook-ups with really good looking men in her past. Its caused her to think that the most attractive part of a man is his outward appearance and not the protecting and providing or moral and spiritual leading. She keeps going after the best-looking men.
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“I know a woman like this who has these feelings of not being attracted to normal men, and it was because she had a lot of hook-ups with really good looking men in her past.”
This is all too common, really. Women are coming up in today’s society thinking they can do everything like men can, including having sex. Sex with multiple partners in succession really injures and forever alters a woman’s attraction filters and triggers. She develops a taste for more and more alpha, and simultaneously injures herself through the continual bonding and breaking, bonding and breaking that results from having sex with a number of different men. Eventually a woman becomes unable to bond to a man, even if she tries and even if she wants to. She sets herself up for a lifetime of frustration and failure.
Even more practically, the sexually experienced woman has definite frames of reference by which she can compare her eventual husband to all the other men she had sex with before. She’s seen their bodies, seen and felt their penises, and experienced sex with them. The likelihood is that at least one of the men she had sex with before was her Goldilocks guy – he was JUUUUST right and pushed all her attraction buttons. Eventually, the truth comes out, and she confesses her lack of attraction for her husband, or her greater attraction to other men, and it becomes clear that this is the prime damaging factor to the relationship/marriage.
And don’t get caught in the trap of thinking that a man’s protection/provision or his leadership abilities are sexually attractive. They aren’t. Women desire these things in men, but they aren’t sexually attracted to those qualities. Women will SAY they find these things attractive, but in truth they do not. They never have and never will. Women are attracted to good looking, masculine men. They are not attracted to men who earn good money and are willing to provide. They are not attracted to men of upstanding, good character. They are not attracted to men who are proven leaders.
There are at least two women who have blogged in and around the manosphere who have successful marriages. Both of them repeatedly gush about how sexually attracted they are to their husbands. Both of these men are, by description, conventionally attractive, good looking men who have in the past been able to attract multiple women for sex.
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“How does being married automatically assume a woman is ready for sex?”
Being married is the correct context for sex. If you’re married, it’s time for sex to be happening. That’s one of the things it means to be married.
Marriage is more than just having sex, but it’s not less. Having sex is an intrinsic part of marriage. If a woman isn’t ready to commit to having sex regularly, she shouldn’t be getting married.
A woman might not be mentally ready for sex when she marries, but she is objectively ready for sex in that all of the conditions necessary for her to be doing right in having sex are met.
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I should probably point out that it’s normal for a virgin bride to be a little nervous, but she shouldn’t be petrified. If she’s that afraid of having sex, she really shouldn’t be getting married yet. It can help to read a book or two about what to expect and find out the biology of sex and how it works. A virgin bride ought to be a little nervous about having sex (after all, she’s never done it before), but still excited to start having sexual intimacy with her husband. I know I was raring to go and my nervousness didn’t stop me from wanting sex. I loved my man so much and couldn’t wait to be with him in every way. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. If there’s too much trepidation, that’s a red flag and the wedding should probably be postponed.
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Moses: Thou shalt not kill.
Jewish person: But what if I am not ready to abstain from killing? Or what if I have a very bad perspective on the sanctity of life?
Moses: . . .
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Wintery Knight, this is good stuff, but I think there are some fundamental issues to address, which would remain consistent with the message here. I noticed it on another blog post, that you mentioned sex being an obligation of the husband and wife to one another. I have no problem with the idea that it is something they should do, but I don’t mean price anymore than I would call monogamy a price to be married. It’s simply a good thing; sex is not automatically good or bad, but sex with one’s spouse for the love of them, out of a charitable heart, is certainly good. People should understand that they shouldn’t simply do things because they get something out of it.
The greatest love we can give is agape. The law is fulfilled by love and demanded by love. Just providing incentives creates a payment system; “If I suffer his/her lack of love, then I may find it elsewhere.” That’s what I see in comments that say sex/fidelity/support/anything/everything is owed or “I had sex withheld for ten years, until I finally HAD to go outside of marriage.” Neither people in that scenario are in the right. They should be taught goodness for the sake of goodness, which is inherently a mere piece of what is contained within Christ; that should be the expectation and cultured.
Women told to dress modestly or they will be raped, is not teaching them to love modesty but to avoid rape, which, while not a bad lesson, lacks in regards to modesty and makes them responsible for the sins of another. If that fear ever subsides, the desire for immodesty is still there and she may never be raped to teach her a lesson. Similarly, on a less violent note, people often loose the willpower or plain despise exercise or healthy food altogether, having never been instilled with the wish to be fit, but to be fit to get something else, and this eventual rejection extends into many fields. Positive Parenting addresses this issue, for instance. Divorce was made for the hard-hearted, the unfaithful, and the example of Christ, who we are to portray, never broke his word and is the Faith. This is something, even before becoming a Christian, that irked me about marriages, that they never stood up to their vows. I know it’s difficult, but whether it’s a prophet with a whorish wife or a woman with a (fill-in-the-blank)-ly abusive husband, the marriage covenant cannot be undone by mortalkind/humankind/mankind (I don’t want to get into any unnecessary misunderstandings with that).
In any case, I’m not saying that no one should have to do anything, because this is the world we live in and God set natural order to it, as broken as we are. However, I want to emphasize that the overarching message of the Bible is to submit in love to the good and the goodness in another, a man and wife to each other, because what is good is purely Christ within us. We should assist others to do good by firstly doing our part, with assurance that mimicking Christ will bless the world and he made a covenant, not a contract. To grin and bear isn’t to be silent or unloving, because to not point out and help others out of their sin is a lack. “Miseo” is not heartless; it’s corrective, similar to explaining to a child that hitting is evil. I wrote a fuller response to an atheist about forgiveness and how his karmic definition of it was entirely wrong, which ties into this, but I am afraid I’ve written too much.
On the silly emotional front, I regret reading the comments, and anyone, who does not to take this section and the fear it inspires into marriage or any relationship, is fortunate; that can only be a miracle and thank the Comforter for that. What I’m getting from several is that none should be married. No woman should marry because it’s easier for her to abstain and no man should marry because it’s easier to sleep around. Forgiveness is a lie. Christ was wrong to make a bride out of anyone. Instead of healing the rift, it cements how selfish everyone is towards one another. I admit that there is some rare and useful advice, and a lot has potential that I’d like to go into it, but, at the moment, I don’t think it’s wise to give. I hope this presents well and isn’t taken as harsh, but because it should be said.
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